Over-Explaining Yourself As A Sign of Trauma
Dr. Nicole LePera said that over-explaining yourself is a trauma response that comes from a deep fear of abandonment or rejection. Because many of us learned that love was conditional. We had to work for it since we were children.
Many of us seeking for unconditional love, but actually pretty conditional about ours. Because we were told that only a well behaved child will get a big hug from mama. We were told to do things in order to get what we want.
As a matter of fact, the idea of conditional love is not entirely wrong. But somehow, it plays with our minds. Like the idea of unconditional that begins with ifs.
It breaks my heart when I realize that we often overdoing something in order to get other people’s approval. Like when you’re late and you automatically explain not only the main reason but also the irrelevant information. Because you try to feed your rationalization to others in order for them to understand your situation. You over-explain yourself in order to fit.
I don’t think that I’m good enough.
The truth is we don’t need to defend our worth. We don’t need to defend our truth. We don’t need to apologize for our limits, our needs, our ambition, or dreams, or even our desires. (Dr. Nicole LePera)
Each of us are different person that see the world with different perspectives. So, do you intend to explain yourself to others your entire life?
In order to heal yourself from seeking other people’s approval on your personal judgement, Dr. Nicole then mentioned some tips such as:
- Boundaries are your right.
- Your reality and truth are always valid.
- People project their own sense of self and unresolved pain onto others (this is part of the human experience) personalizing this pain is a choice that can be un-learned.
- People with high self worth respect the needs of others — because they respect their own needs.
- Inner child wounding can create a scenario where 2 adults become children: practice self forgiveness and grace.
As much as I try to enjoy my own journey, I hope you can always find kindness and healing in yours.
