I Hear That You And Your Band…
I hear that you and your band have sold your guitars
and bought turntables.
I hear that you and your band have sold your turntables
and bought cellos.
I hear that you, and your band, have sold your cellos
and bought different cellos, ones that match.
I hear that you and your band have sold your different matching cellos
and bought a bottle of limoncello.
I hear that you and your band have finished the bottle of limoncello
and invested in real estate.
I hear that you, and your band, have flipped that real estate
and joined up with Herbalife.
I hear that you and your band are getting really good at selling Herbalife
and are getting really into fitness.
I hear that you and your band have continued to be really into fitness
and are in a bulking phase right now.
I hear that you and your band are done with your bulking phase
and working on your glamor muscles.
I hear that you and your band have successfully toned your glamor muscles
and stopped selling Herbalife.
I hear that you and your band have started making artisanal cream soups
to supplement the income you’ve lost from Herbalife.
I hear that you and your band are really generating a lot of buzz
with this gourmet cream soup thing you’re doing.
I hear that you and your band are so flush with artisanal cream soup money
that you’re buying a condo—a big one downtown.
I hear that you and your band are giving pansexuality a try
just to see how it feels. That’s great, man.
I hear that you and your band haven’t been very intimate lately
because you’re getting into intramural dodgeball.
I hear that you and your band didn’t place into your intramural dodgeball tournament
because there was an ape on another team with a real cannon of an arm
(it happens).
I hear that you and your band are going to couples’ therapy
and working through your shit.
I hear that you and your band have lost a lot of money
because the market for artisanal cream soups collapsed.
I hear that you and your band actually never made a dime off those soups anyway
and you actually inherited some gold.
I hear that you and your band lost everything in the divorce
even the condo, and that’s rough man.
I hear that you and your band have managed to hide some of that gold
and bought turntables.
I hear that you and your band have sold your turntables
and bought guitars.