Why Does Dating Men Make Me Feel Like Shit?
Emma Lindsay

I wonder if it might have anything to do with the fact that males who are currently young men (i.e. in your age group, I’m assuming) have been reared on the idea that having a sexuality at all is creepy and suspicious and shallow and rapey and oppresses women. The male gaze is evil and oppressive, doing a double-take at a woman in the street is evil and oppressive, saying hello to a woman in the street is harassment, having attractive women in movies/games/comics is sexist, etc. Between traditional religious puritanism and modern feminist puritanism, we don’t stand a chance. Of course we feel shame if we’ve been told all our lives that default male sexuality is tantamount to rape.

Meanwhile, women watch and read out-and-out porn in public (50 Shades, anyone?), go out on stage basically naked, etc., and this is billed as “empowering” or whatever. Feminists nag at us constantly for apparently being made to feel like they need to hide their sexuality, but I don’t see that; I see the opposite. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in between.

I can’t help but to feel that regardless of the proximate causes of all this, the underlying cause is that in our modern disconnected and overly individualist society, we have begun to define ourselves and our self-worth by our sexual market value and almost nothing else. This is extremely stupid because a) most of us are not in the top 5% of the sexual market, b) impossible standards are easy to set via digital trickery in the media, and c) our sexual market value will inevitably decline to basically zero over the course of our lives. It’s a psychologically suicidal way to organize a society.

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