I’m sorry, but what “bad behavior” are you referring to? Her friend has done nothing tangibly wrong. They’ve known each other for decades. They’re godmothers to each other’s children. Now she wants to dump her over her race, due to ideology. That’s scummy behavior. Throwing an “oppression” blanket over it and trying to explain it away is nonsense.
The reason why I mention being South African is that absolutely everyone here has good reasons to never want to talk to anyone outside their own race ever again, and yet society is full of people doing their best and consciously exercising goodwill. Acting the way this woman is acting, even towards a lifelong friend who has done nothing wrong (except to be insufficiently apologetic about things that people she doesn’t know have done to people her friend doesn’t know) is a recipe for exacerbating racism. And I do have an interest in preventing that, because the brand of “fashionable racism” being spread here right now is being pumped in straight from America.