Not sure if you’re asking me to explain why I disagree with feminism, but if so, I’d rather not. That always turns into a pointless flame war. Rather, I want to express agreement with your broader point as being valid regardless of ideological underpinnings. “Denial of the self” is misunderstood in our society. Sure, it’s a good thing if you’re denying what you want so that you can help others. But it’s a bad thing when you’re allowing yourself to be exploited by others who use your patience as a weapon against you. That doesn’t help either you or them. (And realizing that allowing yourself to be exploited is a weakness rather than “strength” was the kick in the pants I needed to stop thinking that way.)
I can’t help if you’re mad because I mentioned that I disagree with feminism, but I’m not here to change your mind. If anything I’ve gained some appreciation of your point. There’s a tendency to dismiss “angry feminists” as man-haters, and the most common response seems to be “I have the right to hate my oppressor,” which doesn’t exactly debunk the claim. The fact that you took a totally different angle that resonates with me has provided some food for thought.