Having already attacked everyone, Donald Trump attacks … Donald Trump

Having insulted, attacked and ridiculed everyone, Donald Trump today launched into a verbal assailing of … Donald Trump, his main opponent in the race for president. And the crowd went wild.

By Rudy Matthew Vorkapic
The Levee mirror writer

LAS VEGAS — With no one left in the world to assail and still weeks away from the presidential election, Donald Trump today turned to attacking … Donald Trump.

“Lyin’ Donald Trump,” Donald Trump told cheering supporters at a campaign rally today in Las Vegas. “That guy is lying to all of you, believe me! He lies every day, folks! He lies on immigration, he lies on building a wall, he lies about the economy, he lies about foreign policy, he lies.

“He lies about the media lies and all the media does is give him more air time! Unfair, folks. Unfair,” Trump told the cheering crowd. “‘Lyin’ Trump, that’s what I call him, folks, lyin’ Trump. Lyin’ Trump will tell you anything you want to hear because he thinks you’re stupid, folks. Believe me, he thinks you’re stupid, I can tell you that for sure.”

The crowd continued cheering deliriously, though some appeared to look at one another in confusion as others, while waving signs supporting Trump, began chanting, “Ly-in’ Trump! Ly-in’ Trump!”

“Now he says the system is ‘rigged.’ Did you hear that one, folks? The election system is rigged, lyin’ Trump says, and the media eats it up,” Trump said. “That’s all you hear. They’re ignoring him abusing women, they’re ignoring the accusations that are getting backed up every day. He’s getting away with murder, folks, I can tell you that for sure. That guy with the short arms and little hands has got the media in the long pockets of his Chinese-made suits, trust me.”

Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway was seen hitting her head against a cinder block wall during the rally, which, despite later wearing a large head bandage while addressing reporters, she denied.

“Donald Trump tells it like it is,” Conway said. “He’s a great counter-puncher. He was right when he said we don’t get media coverage like other candidates. That’s the message I believe he was trying to get across.”

Trump continued telling the fired up crowd, “This guy, lyin’ Trump, knows he’s losing. Losin’ Trump, that’s what I call him, folks, losin’ Trump, and he’s going to take us all down because he doesn’t care and the media eats it up and all you hear is this guy saying how great he is. It’s fixed, folks. A rigged system.

“Every fact-checker says lyin’ Trump only tells the truth 9 percent of the time, folks, 9 percent,” Trump said, of Trump. “Yet look at all these rallies where he fills the rooms with people not like you but people who just follow along, in la-la land, not caring that he’s lyyyyying. He’s lyyyyying, folks.”

“If I only told the truth 9 percent of the time, I wouldn’t be here, right folks?” Trump asked the crowd, which, now in unison, was chanting, “Ly-in’ Trump! Ly-in’ Trump!”

“This guy, lying Trump, is a walking bumper sticker. No facts. No strategies. Just throwin’ it out there like he’s on drugs, like he’s got mental health problems, like he just got in a car accident, flailing his arms all the time, snorting, breathing all the time. Look at him. Like, as if, right?” Trump said, apparently referencing Trump’s physical appearance.

“We’re focused on the issues and the media follows the lies. The sick part is if this works, if this works, folks, and lyin’ Trump is elected president, I promise you, believe me, because I can tell you this for sure, folks, America will implode. Or explode. Literally. It will blow up in a fireball and so will the universe. The universe will implode. Or explode.

“The only way to save the universe, folks, believe me, trust me on this, because I know more than the scientists and lyin’ Trump put together, the world will literally blow up if you elect lyin’ Trump. Or blow in. And right after that, the universe. And then the terrorists win. I would debate lyin’ Trump every day if I could because I would win every time, trust me. It’s rigged, believe me. It’s fixed. It’s the only way lyin’ Trump could get this far, believe me.”