He Loves Someone Else

This isn’t another one of those tirades aimed at women, or men, who are in denial and stuck in relationships where their partner loves someone else and yet they stick around making excuses for said partner. No. I’m not about to bash you for staying with a man whose heart clearly isn’t with you. A man you keep praying one day will begin to see you for the gem you are and start loving you as you deserve to be loved and finally leave that other woman who’s so undeserving of his love. No, this is my story. How I loved a man who wasn’t ready to be a man.

Have you ever had to walk away from a relationship you were so invested in? Ever had to just pack up the broken shards of your heart because you’re so sure he loves another woman? You look at your situation and the best thing for you to do for yourself is to tell yourself “He loves someone else, please move on darling.”? I have.

I loved my boyfriend with every fibre of my being. And the fact I can still write it like that and have it still ring true without any doubts or new found grown woman realisations proves my point. I loved him. I knew he was the one. And so I started building a life with him. Like any “normal” woman in love would do. You know how we are when we fall in love, woman or man.

He had dreams and aspirations far above his social class, (I’m not being elitist, trust me), I bought into them, stood by him and encouraged him to dream even bigger and work harder to attain those dreams. I saw what he saw and believed what he believed. I saw the king in him and treated him as such, even when he couldn’t put food on the table I’d stand by him, loving him without judgement and still put a meal fit for a king on his table. I stepped up to the plate and temporarily became the provider, for both him and his family but I didn’t mind because that is what you do when you’re in love.

He had family. I opened my heart to them and fell in love with them too. I invested into my relationships with them, building some friendships that have up until now stood the test of time and if the Lord will have it, will still continue to do so. Everything about us was right. We fit each other like a glove in every aspect of our lives and I knew I’d found my home. Well, that was up until I got that phone call and that’s when the Lord answered my mother’s prayers.

See, in as much as I saw my future with him, my mother didn’t. She was mortified I was “dating down”. Insert elitism right here. She also knew his family what with having grown up in the same neighborhood as his parents, lets call him Mr. I-had-a-dream, and she claimed his family were deadbeats, marombe, you name it. I understood where she came from, she wanted someone with as good an upbringing, education etc. as I’d had but that clearly wasn’t happening.

Heck, Mr. I-had-a-dream had never even collected his O’ level results because he believed the education system was an institution created to oppress the African man and he would often say, “Babe, I don’t even need them. Screw the man!” For a girl raised by a mother with multiple degrees and a father who came from a long line of entrepreneurs, hearing the man I loved speak so boldly had me looking at him in awe, thoroughly mesmerized & impressed by the strength of his convictions. And I chanted in unison with his beliefs whilst I trotted my ample hinny off to college.

Ah yes, the phone call. Forgive me, I digress. In the second year of our relationship I managed to find a college that was close to him and so I moved cities, uprooting my life so we could be closer together. Another one of the numerous sacrifices I made in the name of love. One day while he was away on business, and he travelled a lot since my move, I received a phone call from some female who claimed I’d been blowing up her boyfriend’s phone with my incessant phone calls and text messages and I needed to stop, respect myself and stop throwing myself at him. And there I was all confused like what man is this crazy over here talking about. Well lo and behold!!! It was our dear darling kingly one, Mr. I-had-a-dream. Oh and this woman had a LOT to say! Like a lot lot.

I thanked her for her call and proceeded to ring my dearly beloved dreamer to tell him about the call and have a laugh at the crazies in this world. This right here is how much I believed in this man. I never, not for a second doubted him because I trusted him and knew without a shadow of doubt he would never do anything to hurt me. The moment I brought up this woman’s name he had to get off the phone and handle something and that was the last I heard from my boyfriend of 2 plus years.

He wouldn’t take my calls, reply my texts, I even went to his friends and cousins and they all covered for him like the typically loyal mates they were. Well, except for this one cousin of his who said one simple statement and hung up on me, “If its about (insert name) then you have to speak with Mr. i-had-a-dream because this is his situation to handle.” And that was all I needed for me to know the truth of what was going on. My trust, my love, my dreams had been for nought.

So I took my shattered heart, my dreams… everything and walked away. I didn’t fight because what was there to fight for? His silence obviously spoke volumes, didn’t it? He clearly loved her because had he loved me he would have had us address the matter, I would have hated him for a long minute, maybe exacted a bit of revenge of my own but I would have forgiven him eventually and we’d have rebuilt our relationship and made our union stronger. Well, that’s what I told myself since none of that ever got to play out.

If he/she doesn’t fight for you or even bother to explain themselves to you, pack those bags love and keep it moving. Love yourself enough to hurt yourself, to tell yourself you’re not loved nor appreciated in this relationship, to tell yourself he never loved you it was always her the entire time. Hurt yourself, lie to yourself even and walk away. You’ll feel like you’ve died, like you’ll never love again but trust me, time heals all things. It might take far much longer than you would like but you’ll meet someone who’ll show you what love should be not what it looks or feels like and you’ll forget a boy thing called Mr… What’s his name again, ever existed.

Don’t take my word on that last sentence though. I’m still about that single life, and loving it.

Regards,

She who walks away.

Xoxo

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