Dreaming My Life Alive

I had another epiphany today. Actually I have been having what I call e’pop’phanies, epiphanies popping like popcorn in my brain over the last few days and weeks!

Today it was this: I have been living from a state of avoidance for almost fifty years! I had convinced myself that I was an achiever, and into self-development, but that wasn’t really true. I wanted to think so, but the evidence suggests otherwise.

Sure, if I thought I could do something with relative ease and assurance that I could accomplish what I set out to do it, I’d be all over it. Like getting a job. I was GREAT at getting jobs. I interviewed like a pro, did my homework, followed up with Thank You notes, jumped in with both feet.

But, I was also great at quitting jobs too. You know what they say about when the going gets tough… well, I got going…out the door. Angela Duckworth would say I lacked GRIT!

Sure, I read all the books. My favorite genre is non-fiction personal development. Self-help is my middle name.

But, I was really lousy at implementing. I’d do homework if it meant I was getting an A, or an award, something that I could show someone…for you know…approval!

Sure, I talked the talk. I wanted to be successful, financially independent, respected, famous even. But like affirmations you don’t quite believe, my talk wasn’t working very well for me.

And, I didn’t walk the walk. I kept walking away…from myself!