I always isolate myself whenever I feel I am not worth the dirt I walk upon. These feelings can last for months on end with no light at the end. This most recent bout had me losing money due to no more earned time and not going to work.
God started speaking to me — little whispers — showing me that people care about me — that they love me — that I am worth more than the dirt I walk upon. However in order to feel this love, I need to be vulnerable and reach out to these people when I start to feel unworthy.
God promises to finish the work he has started in me; however I have to be an active and willing participant for him to do this. Part of my participation is staying plugged in to my support groups and to my church. It means answering emails and text messages and having relationships.
It has been great to have a sexual assault support group to attend; however I also need to stay plugged in with the Celebrate Recovery group as well. I need to stop thinking that no one can possibly understand or know what I am going through and just let God work his healing in my life through the people in the group.
I finally came back to church after being gone for a month and a half. I felt ashamed to come back — that I would be judged for not showing up for so many weeks; but then I remembered that is exactly what Satan would like me to think!!! I cannot continue to let him fill my mind with that garbage. Then I thought about how happy I am making God by attending. That he is so glad that I am back to church that today the Angels are singing in heaven ( ok so perhaps not that but it helped get me out of bed and to church). I need to realize that I should not be ashamed that I am having problems and encountering some dark days. That I need to be thankful my church family is so kind, loving and understanding. There is no judgement here except the lie that Satan is trying to get me to believe. Therefore, Satan I rebuke you and your lies in the name of Jesus — whom is my lord and savior. I am his child. He loves me unconditionally and nothing can take that away.
So, I need to stay plugged in. I need to keep myself surrounded with people who love me; who want to see me get healed by God’s loving hand; who are concerned for my welfare and I need to get rid of the people who only want to use and abuse me.
Thank you Lord for showing me what I need. For reminding me that you are faithful and that nothing I do will ever stop you from loving me.
So stay connected — live for God — don’t give up hope. God will work all things for my good and His glory.