American Dream: Expectation V.S. Reality through the eyes of a Russian girl

RuOpen
RuOpen
Sep 4, 2018 · 13 min read

The first time I thought about leaving Russia was during the winter of 2011. Not wasting any time, I started to explore all ways of getting a visa. What period of stay I could get and how exactly this process is done,” that is how she started the process of emigration from Russia. Firstly, in her head. And later through real actions.

Now Regina is 26 years old, she has been living in the United States for four and a half years in general.

“Since I was a student back then, I contacted an international center of student exchange. I was offered a J1 visa type. I immediately accepted that.

But since collecting documents takes a lot of time, I did not manage to leave that year. That is why I started collecting all the necessary documents under the guidance of the center in September, 2011.

The program cost $2500, plus visa fee, I cannot remember the exact price now. In my case I eventually got the visa “.

Motivation

I always wanted to come here. I have watched lots of American movies. My boyfriend would never let me go. Forbidden fruit is sweet.

After the breakup, which affected me greatly, I was heart-broken; I decided to go as far as possible across the ocean, to, so to say, ease the pain.

So you liked the American Dream, that is the reason why you decided to go?

Everything is very different in movies, you can feel that it is a different world.

So did you see what you expected, according to the movies?

No.

We will talk about that later. Was it difficult to decide to come here? Were you afraid?

As for me, I was not afraid, because I am an adventurous person; I am always ready for changes. I travelled a lot before that. I visited Europe on my own. In other words, I have no problems with it.

Though I have some friends here. They were really scared at first. “What do you mean, coming here like this: alone, without parents, without knowing anybody, without knowing the language. It is very hard. But I didn’t have such fear.

First days in the USA

In accordance with my job offer I came to New Hampshire, to a small town 40 minutes away from Boston. I was offered to work as a housemaid in a hotel.

After two weeks I understood that a soft job of the housemaid and the small village-like town was not for me.

I decided to give up everything and, at my own risk, come to New York on my own even though I did not know anyone in that huge city.

But the job offer lasted till September 15th, which meant that after that I had to leave the country instantly and go back to Russia. But thanks to my friendly relationship with my employer he let me go eventually, unwillingly though. He helped me to get social security — it is a number without which there is nothing to be done in America. I am thankful a lot to him for what he did for me. This number allows me to get credit cards, a lease for an apartment. There is nothing you can do without it.

For the first few days I was nervous. Everything seemed different. It felt like I found myself in a different world.

People’s reaction

People reacted in a very weird way. When I came to New Hampshire, to a small town, everybody wore big broad trousers, broad T-shirts and I wore the same clothes as I used to. As I used to in Russia. They looked at me so weirdly as if I was an alien. I always thought that there was something wrong with me.

As a result, what I like, in comparison with Russia, is that people here are very friendly, kindly smiling, they have no problem with coming to you and saying: “I like your bag!” Or “I like your shoes” or “your ring”. They can ask instantly: “Where did you buy them? Could you tell me?” In other words, they smile a lot and say what they think. Meanwhile in Russia people are gloomy, low-spirited, do not expect anybody to come to you in underground saying: “You know, I like your coat!”

The tide of life in the USA

The tide of life here is very quick. This is something unreal. Unreal. This is very different to Russia. In Russia summer is just summer, meanwhile here it feels like summer lasts only for two days. Because you always work.

You can’t get sick here. I’m talking about New York. Rent is very high here.

I am from Chelyabinsk. I studied in the most expensive university, the most prestigious one — an academic year there cost 45 000 rubles (around $770). Now I pay 45 000 rubles per month for the apartment, more than that, I share it with another girl. So we pay 90 000 rubles ($1 540) and live in a tiny flat.

You can’t get sick. I live in New York, everything here is very expensive: products, transport, accommodation. That is why I do not go out lately: neither go shopping, nor any other thing. I just work. From rent to rent. If you fall ill, it is the end.

In my case you will not be able to pay.

Though in another state, in a small town, life is cheaper, for sure.

If you do not have medical insurance here, then an ordinary visit to a doctor will cost at least $120. And this is the price of just getting an appointment.

It is almost impossible for a newcomer to get this insurance.

The difference between the Hollywood portrayal of America and real America

To start with, when you watch all these movies, especially comedies, you see everybody gathering together in a house for parties with lots of people, friends. Or if to take “Friends” for example: people there are so united, they stand up for each other, etc.

These are all lies. There are a lot of people who ditch you. Ditchers.

You shouldn’t lend money to anyone.

And you are always alone here. You should not trust anyone. It is an eternal loneliness.

People are very united in movies, everything is fine and fun, everybody is happy. It is untrue in reality.

You are always alone, you are stressed, you have to work… You can only count on yourself. This is not a fairytale.

You have no time to be ill. I personally work even when I am ill because I know that if I do not get money I will have nothing to pay for my rent and if I would like to hire a lawyer I will still need to save money.

There is a good reason why the she needs a lawyer. The question of document processing for getting the American citizenship is a hot-button issue here:

I didn’t go home once for the whole time I have been here. Since my parents have never been abroad they have a small chance of getting a visa. I cannot leave the USA because I am in the process of getting the documents.

I have gone to the interview and got rejected, now I am waiting for the trial. I am claiming for the Green Card. This is a very long process.

After 3 months of living here I decided to stay. I visited a lawyer. We started to fill out the documents. I had been waiting for two years and a half to get an interview. Then I failed it because only 20% get Green Card on the first try. The chance to get it is very small. I failed. Now I am waiting for the trial.

The main variant of getting the documents

If you come from Russia, there are a few variants of getting the documents. The main and well-known one is to get married. There are a lot of such girls in Russia who, unfortunately, search for rich sugar daddies and hang on their necks.

These girls come here as well. I feel sick when I think about them. I just feel pity for American men who are enchanted by the beauty of a Russian girl who is all “super nice”. But what is she interested in? Firstly, money, secondly, getting the documents.

Then she walks all over him and leaves. I have met a billion of such Russian girls in my four and a half years here. I am ashamed for our nation because now they all think that we are self-interested bitches. Russians.

I feel pity for American men who are tricked by Russian girls. And who are ditched later.

The standards of beauty

Russian girls are very beautiful in comparison with American ones. Of course there are some beautiful American girls. But the standards of beauty are different here.

In Russia the ideal girl is a tall, beautiful, slim model. Vice versa here: the more there is to grope, the better. It does not imply being fat but a girl should have something to grope.

Taxes

I went there with my history. I think it consisted of 12 pages. There people ask you to bring a lot of documents. You have to pay a lot for passing. Then a permission for work. Medical insurance. You have to pay taxes. Taxes is a different story which still shocks me. The American government rips off so much money from people for taxes.

There were people who came, understood how hard it was and went back to Russia.

Prices

Everything here is very expensive. Bread in the USA costs 120 roubles ($2).

When I came here I worked as a housemaid and my salary was $8.25 per hour. I could not afford anything, there wasn’t enough money. But since I had lived for 2 weeks in a small town I paid only $300 for accommodation. That is why I got enough money for living.

Then I came to New York and worked as a babysitter. I was paid $16 per hour. I was baby-sitting two kids in a nice family.

Then I worked as an assistant in a furniture workshop, I was paid $12 per hour.

Now I work as a bartender in Manhattan. I get $30 per shift plus tips.

I need to save up a big amount of money till June to hire a lawyer that is why the babysitter’s salary was not enough and here you can get enough money thanks to tips.

By now I have worked 4 nights in a row. I went to bed only at 6 am because I had been working till 4 am. It takes a lot of time and effort to commute from Manhattan to Brooklyn, where I live.

Specifics of work

Here you always have to be up and about, that is why life runs by very quickly. It seems like summer lasted only for two days.

I went to a beach once and once to a river. For the whole summer. The most horrible thing is that it is not an easy task to save money. Rent is that high. You kind of work, work — and all for nothing. The cost of living is big, because everything is very expensive. You have to pay for everything:

Permission for work — $400, you have to renew it every time, medical insurance — $250, — you have to renew it every time as well. And you constantly pay. And eventually you have nothing even though you work hard.

American Men

These American men are horrible!

I miss Russian men, good men. Those, who are romantic and know how to love, court, give flowers.

You won’t find that here. Now that I’ve remembered Russian men I even forgot all what I wanted to say.

American men are different of course. There are a lot of greedy Americans.

For example, when you go on a date in Russia you never think that nobody will pay for you, and you will have to pay the half of the bill. And here…

For some time I worked with a woman in a bank. She is also a newcomer, but her daughter was born here. So she tells that when she goes on a date or goes somewhere with friends they always split the bill. It is very weird for Russia. In Russia you will never think of splitting the bill on a date.

American men don’t know how to court women.

I also don’t get the American humour. The jokes are silly. I am not the only person who thinks so. My Russian friends also think the same way: we cannot see anything funny in American jokes.

Here people don’t think much about being serious: they have no issue with getting married at the age of 37 or 40. I have plenty of acquaintances who are party goers at the age of 37. Like we used to be in our 20s. They do not think about anything in general: they do not want to have children; they do not want anything. The only thing they care about is going to a party. They are not interested in committed relationships; one-night stand is enough.

There was only one guy that I dated for 9 months. Well, a 33 years old guy. He would give me flowers for every date. But he is half Arabian, half Spanish.

American food

Food is awful here. Because Russia has black soil and America — sand. Absolutely disgusting food.

When my friend’s parents came from Russia, we asked them to bring some corn, varenye (it is a traditional whole-fruit preserve, widespread in Eastern Europe). Because here varenye is mostly artificial.

American corn is nothing. It has no taste.

I miss Russian food. Here food is absolute nightmare. People constantly eat pizza and hamburgers.

An emigrant always faces a lot of difficulties in the USA. They are cultural shock, document processing, work search, work itself with its nuances, someone faces language barrier. But 26 years old Regina from Chelyabinsk is not bothered by these difficulties:

I can see “light at the end of the tunnel” despite of all difficulties because when I get all the necessary documents everything will be different. I will have subsidies; I will have to pay less than I have to now. More than that, I want to continue my economical study here. But it requires a huge amount of money — $4000 per 3 months minimum. But when I get my Green Card, the government will pay for my education.

I will study a year and a half or two, will bring my economical study from Russia and I will have a shorter period of studying. After that I will have more opportunities with my education. People do not find it strange when people of my age are still students. People can be students at the age of 30–35. In Russia at the age of 22–23 in general.

Apart from working days, the young emigrant has time to enjoy life and to observe the differences between the homeland of Russia and the USA:

Homeless people

The amount of homeless people here is shocking. I have never seen so many homeless people in Russia like I have here. I know why. Because here everything requires a huge amount of money, especially in New York. I guess people take to drinking. And then they can’t pay.

There are a lot of homeless people: in the underground, on the street, begging for money. Some people sing, some dance, some walk with a plate. A nightmare.

Do you think life is better in the USA than in Russia?

I think life here is better. I feel more at home here. I cannot imagine myself in Russia because these countries are so different. I know people who had lived here for 6 years and it seems that they got tired of waiting for the documents. And they went back to Russia. But there they suffered a lot because they could not get used to it again. In other words, since I have come here and got used to it, it would be hard to go back home.

Despite of all difficulties, life is better here. I have some difficulties only because I am an emigrant. If I was born here I would not have such difficulties. You would your mother and father next to you, you will not have to face all these sufferings which I am facing now.

On the other hand, I miss my home a lot. This is the hardest part for me. I miss my friends so much, true and loyal friends whom I have known since childhood and whom I can trust.

Difference in prices

The prices in Russia are not so high like here.

What do people think about Russians?

I have never been treated bad personally. Opinions differ. In my experience I have not met people who think bad about Russians. I am a positive person, so they have fun with me.

When they learn that I am Russian they ask a lot of questions. Then I say “I’m from Siberia”. And they start to say that this winter is not a winter at all for you. You probably wear a T-shirt there. They want to know it. They ask about weather and so on. They are interested in it.

What do people think about Putin?

My friends, acquaintances and my bar guests like Putin. They say he is cool. He does the right thing; he is very strong. People like his tactics, behavior. Both newcomers and Americans themselves.

Crimea and Syria

In mass media people say that Russia is bad because it took away Crimea. Americans themselves say nothing about it.

The worst thing I can say about America: people are so immersed in what is happening in their country that they do not pay attention to what happens outside.

The pictures are shown and published in accordance with permission by the person interviewed in this publication.

RuOpen

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