Sober September Starts

Sober September starts in a little less than two hours of this writing. Let’s get the why out right now. Why do I want to prevent my intake of alcohol, pot, cigarettes, individual fornication, pre-workouts, and energy drinks, soda?

I want to add vitality, I want to add mental acuity, I want to refresh my brain and my body. Also, I love me a challenge. My current circuit of friends loves to partake in those caustic substances. I cannot be condescending about their behavior.

They are just doing what they feel is right. As I am doing what I feel is right for me.

So I could sum up why I want to do Sober September in a sentence it would be. I want to cleanse my spirit and my body for the strength I will need to overcome obstacles.

Additionally, I have spent way too much time in fruitless endeavors of alleviation of my situation via inebriation.

It will be a challenge. I am certain of that. I have very little willpower. Yet, like most things you can increase your willpower by focused training. That’s my thought at least.

I drove to downtown Riverside today, fired up. Bound and determined to place in motion the plan of my upheaval of my current station in life. Alas, when I returned from that meeting I was struck with an angry mood swing and started clearing out my headboards, my closet, my walls. I know why I did this. It was a distraction from what I should have been doing. I was looking for any reason to not move closer to my goals. Because I am scared of work. I grew tired of looking upon my hand written words upon scraps of memories passed. Those words of motivation did nothing more than clutter up my walls. I now sit in a yellow painted wall room with three photos upon them.

Clutter, clutter, and clutter. A disorganized room equals an unorganized mind. Well, I can hope that is the case. However, in a sense, I am starting to recognize that. Another benefit of Sober September will be without the flow of intoxicants polluting my veins. I can focus on what I feel is important.

My mind was a mess today. However, an arbitrary plan unfurled within the confines of my skull. I am naive to think that a person like myself can jump right into business in loosely related and inexperienced fields of which I want to build. I must do the leg work first. Which is why I must pass the NASM test in a couple days. It is the start of a whole new life path.

That is my primary goal for September which I will achieve.

This is good. This is great. I have grown too comfortable in my current place. No new challenges have arisen. No moments of “OH Shit” When I drove to the gym today I felt a comedown. I felt I did not want to be sober. That mundane of the ordinary required termination through the numbness. That is not living, though. This could be a start of something annual. A third quarter cleanse to refocus and move forward with my life.

I had a rather discouraging thought, while I laid in the same bed I have slept in for the past 27 years. I thought “At my age, Disney had already established and published things. Here I am sleeping alone in a house that is not mine.” I didn’t sleep well after that. I slept poorly, and I awoke this morning playing defense ever since then. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will be better. Because I am better. Habits are hard to break but not impossible. Your mind is strong but hard to break too. Be steadfast in your determination, and solid in your execution.

With that said I want to leave this entry with some closing thoughts. The things you think about are looking for reaffirmation in the real world. As Johnny says “The world has a way of rewarding bad behavior.”

In the end, it is not the things you did that you regret, it is the things you didn’t do. Fear is a terrible adversary, but not impenetrable either.

I struggled with writing these words all day. I delayed and delayed all day. Till literally the last hour. I harbor trepidation of writing personal reflections because it is just that. It is a mirror of the thoughts within my head. Easy to slip into the cold black abyss of depression when these are the words that I can conclude an entry. It is probably a search for validation or the lack thereof. However, I digress.

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