The Paradoxical Dilemma that is Existence.
Have you ever felt that you should be somewhere, someone different?
Hello, insecurities my old neglected friend.
Don’t worry though, in a parallel universe there is someone just like you who is you, who did everything right.
Take solace in that.
Just for a moment.
Moment over.
As much fun as it would be to ponder the intricacies of the alternate universe. We can’t afford such a luxury.
We only have right now.
Well actually,
right now.
No.
Now.
Damn it the moment passed and I didn’t carpe the fucken diem like Robbin Williams told me in “Dead Poets Society.”
Always tomorrow right?
Well shit, even that isn’t guaranteed.
The crisis of existence is a paradoxical one.
In terms of the grand scheme of everything, it doesn’t matter. Eventually, something will wipe out the human race.
Yet simultaneously,
The chances of that happening within my short life span of let’s be generous and call it 50 plus years is extremely improbable.
So it wouldn’t make sense to at least try to do something worthwhile.
Now that we have rationalized why inaction is not advisable, we must then define what is an action to be considered “worthwhile.”
For some waking up and feeling the cold floor on the bottom of their feet is something worthwhile. This is the case for those who have suffered nerve damage and maybe walking is something they are reminiscent about. That is something worthwhile for them.
For others, something worth while might be watching the sunrise from outer space. Those lucky few. Yet to get out to the wild reaches of the mighty blue yonder, the dangers are unfathomable. It takes a lot of focused people to hurl mass of human beings into the cosmos.
Then for some select few getting out of the house, is something worthwhile. This may be because they suffer from depression and instead of watching another day pass by, they went for a walk.
What this all means is we must define something worthwhile within our own terms.
Or we could look up the dictionary.com definition of worthwhile which is “worth the time, money, or effort spent; of value or importance.”
You are you and I am me. What you see is different from me.
I will never know the inner dialogue you have with yourself. I only can hear the pitter patter of my thoughts.
Maybe one day, we will be able to decipher other’s ponderings, but for now, that is not that day.
These are the mumblings of a mind passed it’s prime.
We all know when our bodies begin to plateau and falter. It takes longer to recover and we become plagued with injuries. We can do our darndest to fight against it, but eventually, we will fail. As I near the end of my twenties that horrific thought is starting to make its way to the forefront of my mind. As Robin Williams said in “Dead Poet’s Society.” “One day you will breathe your last. Your body will grow cold and you will die.” We can’t fight time. It will always win. The one thing we can do is fight idle time.
SO we know our bodies begin to break down, but when do we know that our intellectual abilities begin to falter?
Is there anything we can do to inhibit the effects of aging.
I certainly am not a neuroscientist, but I do love how interconnected the body and the brain are.
Exercise is the most beneficial thing we can do for ourselves. Every minute we put into it we are rewarded twice fold.(*Source needed. Well, I can tell you where I heard that factoid. It was sitting idly in the waiting room of the radiation center my father was being treated at. They had a health conscious tv program on talking about different beneficial practices. Exercise and quitting smoking were on the top of the list)
But don’t quote my boy, I ain’t said shit.
I don’t know man. I will be incredibly blunt. I am a failure in every sense of the word. At 28 years of age, still living at home with an income of fewer than 200 dollars a week, the stench of a winner is nowhere near my nostrils. I hear stories about other people I spent time with growing up with and their bank roll and accomplishments, and a sense of panic/hopelessness arises.
I don’t know how to be any other way.
I am what I am.
For some reason, I don’t know why this act of writing makes me feel worthwhile.
Maybe because I am selfish.
Maybe because I feel somewhere between the lines of self-doubt and ignorance there is something valuable in my words.
Or maybe I am tired of hiding, and feel the vastness of the internet is a place to vent my frustrations to the masses.
One day this will all makes sense. Today is not that day and I am happy to say, I made it through another.
As for you my friend.
Remember.
Live Creatively,
Be Bold,
Hang Toug
