Ruth Henriquez Lyon
Aug 9, 2017 · 1 min read

I wonder if perhaps you have indulged your children too much, which most people are doing nowadays. A lot of that is a reaction to how people in my generation were raised (I was born in 1956): the center of gravity in most families was set closer to the parents and their needs, and the children were basically along for the ride.

Then when my peers started having children (1980s), most went too far the other way, and made their families completely child-centered. I was not able to do that (too selfish?), and found that setting the center of gravity in the middle, between parents and children, worked quite well.

The martyr dynamic will only backfire, and often results in kids who are self-centered hothouse flowers, or even malevolent jerks. Children don’t have to be happy all the time, or completely free of anxiety, or totally safe from all hazards great and small (yes, in most neighborhoods they can walk a few blocks alone or with friends when they’re elementary school age).

And it’s ok for them to be bored and have to figure out what to do with their time. (I remember much time as a kid spent lolling on the floor staring up at cracks in the ceiling). They are much more resilient than adults nowadays give them credit for. So give yourself a break and set some limits, and if you need to, yell.

    Ruth Henriquez Lyon

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