I’m leaving again
or going back.
Whichever way you look at it,
I’m moving on.
I’m moving forward.
Which means I have to let go
of lots here…
for now anyways.
Leave my serving job,
check “no” on RSVP’s to weddings,
miss a dear friend’s baby being born,
goodbye hugs to some special little ones,
cancel a race and a concert,
lose out on yoga memberships and the Y with it’s dutiful treadmill,
and let go of my preconceived concept of
what my entrepreneurial venture should look like.
I feel like I break hearts
and mine is broken
a little each time I leave.
But then I feel the love grow.
It is all so much more than the heartbreak.
So much more than the missed events and cancellations.
So much more than the boredom of the old,
or the excitement of the new.
It is realizing how many beautiful relationships I have.
How much love you can share with kids,
and how amazing it is to be a heart-auntie.
How much I love experiencing new,
and how great it is to come home.
How much I appreciate my sister for her support, her home, storing my stuff and taking care of my fur baby.
And seeing how all of the stories that I collect along the way
become a part of mine.
Kashechewan has held a very special place in my heart
from the first day I arrived,
out of that 9-seater plane
onto the dirt roads
into my new small brown-sided home
by the big blue school
surrounded by black spruce and muskeg,
generations of Cree culture
and a community of kids and parents and people.
I learned there’s a lot of pain and heart and silenced voices behind
of flooding and suicides and mismanaged systems.
I learned that all people really need is someone
to listen, support and love them.
I learned that there is immense strength and courage and resiliency
in the people who live here and have always lived on this land…
despite oppression and poverty, addictions and floods.
I learned there is a great deal wrong with our systems
but there is tons of opportuntiy for growth.
I learned I can find calm, inspiration and myself on walks around the dyke.
And I learned that people would share their hearts and wisdom and pain openly
if I did the same.
So to all those people in my life here
who help, guide, support, challenge, inspire and love me,
I take you with me,
And to all those in Kash,
who I have the opportunity to spend the next few months with
and had a full-hearted 3 years with,
I take you with me,
are complex, winding, unknown, beautiful,
heart breaking, clear but not easy,
and full of love if you let them be as such.
In my darker days, I forget the magic of it all,
but today, I can see a little clearer and
am ever so grateful
for this life.
*My goal for this part of my journey is to document my time in Kashechewan…my work and time with the kids, the community, and all the beauty that exists there always/because of/in spite of/behind all the tragedies and traumas and pain. I hope to use my stories + their stories to help paint a whole and human story of Kashechewan, so that we can find a little more connection, understanding, empathy and inspiration with each other.
Stay tuned! Keep me accountable! Ask lots of questions!
Thanks for sharing a little love with me today xo