I haven’t cried for almost a year, but I couldn’t pull myself together when I heard that you are gone, hit by a car. My world, all of a sudden, collapsed.

It felt like yesterday that I put you through a shower, blew dry your hair and put you on the couch. You were usually not allowed on the couch and you were so happy rolling from one end to the other.

If felt like yesterday that you peed on the floor to claim your “territory.” When mom started yelling at you, you would just dash off and hide under the bed, only sneaking out 10 minutes later to see if mom was still angry.

It felt like yesterday that you were so picky with food. You would always climb up to my laps trying to figure out what yummy food was on the dining table. You had strong opinions of food — love ribs and egg yoke but hate dog food.

I always complained to my parents that I had to take you out for a walk 7am on a cold wintry morning for the few days I spent at home, but I was too stupid to realize those times were the few moments I spent with you alone and I would never had the opportunity to have a nice walk with you. I love how happy you were running on the playground, chasing other puppies, sniffing their butts but always ran back to me.

I entertained the idea about taking you back with me 2 months ago, but I knew I couldn’t take good care of you to make you happy. I have been way too busy trying to figure out my life that I won’t spend enough time taking to walk around the city I am falling in love with.

I know you are somewhere better. I hope you are as happy as you have always been, bringing joy to everyone around you. Not sure if I have told you this before — I love you dear Saisai.