Why we should be talking to our kids about ethics

“In my day job,” I teach college students about community engagement, ethics, and leadership. Talking with college students about complex topics like ethics and morality is really fascinating. It becomes even more fascinating when you start explaining the topic to younger kids (i.e. much younger than college students). You essentially pair down the complexity into bite-size pieces that a kid can understand.

While ethics, I think, is an important subject to talk with kids about, we can’t tell them about utilitarianism and deontology unless we find ways to reduce the complexity. We have to give them a framework they can easily understand.

Here’s where I would start:

When we talk to kids about morality and ethics, we often use the example of social judgment “domains.” There are three domains: 1) the moral domain; 2) the conventional domain; 3) the personal domain.

The Moral Domain

With the moral domain, we focus on things that are inherently right or wrong based on their effects on others. These are the lessons we teach our kids as they grow up in order to help them become the best persons they can be. We tell kids to not hit, steal, tease or bully their peers, etc.

The Conventional Domain

Personally, this is my favorite domain, because there’s so much problem solving and critical thinking available to teach forward. The conventional domain has to do with social norms, traditions, and rules that depend on context. Essentially, right and wrong are malleable depending on context. We may tell kids it’s okay to say certain words or make certain jokes at home, but they need to “act right in public.” This one always gets a few giggles, but a good example is you should not wear your bathing suit to school — but you can wear it to the swimming pool. It’s all conditional and based on context.

The Personal Domain

Finally, there’s the personal domain, which includes issues that people believe should not be governed by universal rules or societally determined conventions but should instead be up to personal choice. For example, there are no universal rules to who your friends can be or what hobbies you take on. There may be societal or peer pressure, but there are no rules you must follow.

Ethics does not need to be a life-or-death lesson — i.e. trolly problem. By using domains, we can start conversations that we can build upon as our kids get older. In education, we call this scaffolding. We build a set of lessons that get deeper and more meaningful over time. Use this lesson to start your scaffold.

At this point, you’re probably asking why.

Why should I attempt to talk to my kids about this topic?

Teaching ethics is about character development. If we want a world that is moral and just, we have to instill those lessons from the ground up. If we ask a deontologist why they do good things, they would tell you that they don’t want to live in a world where everyone decides to do bad things. If we’re a deontologist, we ask ourselves “if I make XYZ decision, would I want to live in a world where everyone made that same decision?” If the answer is no, we would choose to do something different, and perhaps better.

When we teach ethics from an early age, we are challenging the notion that we can’t deal with complexity. Let’s face it, the world is complex. The only way out of that is giving people the mental tools to face that complexity head-on and feel prepared to make good decisions.

In an academic landscape that is increasingly moving towards career-oriented fields, where students may not get in-depth philosophical training, it’s up to us to start instilling those morals and virtues at an earlier age. We have to build the future leaders we wish to see in the world.