Navigating Polyamory
Principles, positives and negatives.

Having had a summer of endless job applications, and dry, robotic interviews, talking openly and honestly about my sex life as part of an interview took me by surprise. It’s certainly made for a good story!
This interview was with a sexual wellbeing company called Leika. My vulnerability and honesty resonated with the two founders, Billie and Anna and I’m now joining them on their mission to change the world's relationship to sex. Firstly we’re addressing the taboo around female sexuality. Which explaining to a much-anticipated Grandma, who's been on your job hunting journey with you, was quite amusing!
Billie and I are working hard to support a community of individuals who are challenging the taboos around female sexuality. It’s been a very insightful few weeks for a 25-year-old guy. I’ve learnt more about the vagina, sorry… vulva, on my first two days than my entire sex education. One of the big themes our community have been exploring is Polyamory. For some, the idea of polyamory is particularly controversial. Having little knowledge of this topic I wanted to get up to speed and try to understand both sides of the coin. So here are a few summaries of articles and podcasts I’ve come across that I believe to be worth absorbing. I’ve kept my opinions neutral to create space for you to develop your own.
What is Polyamory?
This is the first time I’ve come across the term ‘polyamory’ so naturally I had a lot of questions. Namely, what does it actually mean?
Polyamory: The word polyamory is based on the Greek and Latin for “many loves” (literally, poly many + amor love). A polyamorous person is someone who has or is open to having more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all their partners.
The Principles
Ok, now I have a definition, I started looking for content that would help me understand the key principles that underpin polyamory.
Elf, in her Refinery29 article, tells a great story. Learning polyamory as not a job description but a mindset, one that requires patience. In the thick of the story Elf shares how she navigated these principles “I definitely wasn’t jealous or angry, was I? Definitely not. That would get my poly badge taken away… I was angry, I was jealous and I felt left out. I wanted to be included in the party.” While it brings more to manage, she distinguishes the real challenges lie in self-love, knowledge and trust in yourself.
Next up we have a brilliantly insightful Guardian podcast with Alix Fox interviewing a polyamorous couple. Their relationship displays strong will, self-confidence and a large commitment to openly discuss difficult topics between each other. It has ultimately provided them with a practical foundation to grow their relationship, from which other people can be introduced.
Here’s a great piece that talks to the positive elements:
“I’m polyamorous, why should I limit my love?” A great piece by the BBC sharing insight into a positive relationship a woman has with two other men, and what that is like for them. Some of the questions this article explores are ‘Am I going to get jealous? Will I start seeing things differently?’. The woman featured, Noni, has an understanding that “no matter how much I love one, that’s not going to mean the other will fade away” but “it might take a different form…”
On the flip side, to keep this balanced let’s look at some of the negatives:
An interesting perspective from the Independent on the growing misuse of polyamory as a way for heterosexual individuals to sleep with multiple people at the same time and avoid any commitment. It reports “What casual-seekers have also failed to realise though, is that polyamory, in fact, requires more commitment than monogamy…” This article states that some heterosexual partners are taking advantage of data showing the positive impacts of polyamory and using it to persuade a partner to go beyond their comfort zone.
As I said at the start, I’ve kept my opinions out of this piece to give space for you to form your own. These articles have been a great way for me to gather insight into this topic, I hope it provides the same for you. If you have further questions, or want to dive deeper into this topic we at Leika are hosting a panel event on 21st September. It’ll be made up of exciting panellists discussing sexuality and its changing behaviours, its trends and what to look out for as the future approaches. One of our panellists, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey specialises in sex and relationships. Her latest e-book is focused on helping you navigate polyamory.
We’d love to see you there.
