Image for post
Image for post
I can, in fact, believe it @gerbatron

Pepsi. It Makes White People Feel Good.

On Wednesday, white people across America sighed a breath of relief as the new Pepsi commercial featuring Kendall Jenner let them know that diversity is okay; protesting is American; and cops love Pepsi. This is just what we needed too. As a white I was beginning to think that the America I know and love had been lost. So much injustice. So much inequality. I needed to be reminded that things are gonna be okay. Here is what I learned:

  1. Anyone can do anything. Whether you are an ethnically ambiguous person playing the cello on a rooftop. A religiously ambiguous women in a head-scarf frustrated with your photography career. Or a rich white lady in a blonde wig. We all have one thing in common: Pepsi… I mean a sense of justice. My only question was, where was the standard shot of two male models holding hands and kissing? Homophobia much? And also, where was the biracial couple holding a baby? Or the Mexican Mariachi band? Or the Native American in full feather head-dress? I mean, yes, you had break-dancers but come on, Pepsi. You sort of half-assed it. Oh wait… I watched it again. They’re there. Nevermind.
  2. Everyone’s friends. Look, if you’re going to make the claim that racism, sexism, xenophobia, and all that other stuff that I never see still exists — or ever existed — then tell me why everyone looks like they are having a good time and transcending all of that bad stuff? Kendall Jenner clearly fist-bumped at least two black people (who also happened to be break-dancers). Kendall has no problem with people who look different from her. When the Asian(?) cello player, the one playing on the rooftop of the skyscraper, joined the demonstration with his cello on his back(encased in Pepsi blue) and beckoned Kendall to join the march…she did. Like, she was inspired and then she fixed things.
  3. Kendall Jenner gives no fucks about being professional when it comes to injustice. I don’t know what you saw, but when that cello player seductively nodded for Kendall to fight for Pepsi…I mean peace…she was like “Hey photographer, fuck you. Fuck this fashion shoot. Fuck the man. Fuck this blonde wig. I am out.” And she just took off that wig and put on some jeans and found the Pepsi vendor. Middle fingers in the air.
  4. Kendall Jenner fixes things. I don’t know what was going on before she joined this march for peace or equality or Pepsi or whatever, but when she took off that wig everything stopped. Like literally, people stopped marching and started playing their cellos and break-dancing and leaning on each others shoulders with one arm. I guess the marchers either arrived at their destination or they saw Kendall and they were like, “You guys…she’s got this. Get out your instruments.” In fact, this beautiful United Colors of Benetton group of people seemed a bit aimless until rich, white, beautiful Jenner joined them.
  5. Kendall Jenner is beautiful. And it is her beauty and brains that told her to give that hot, ethnically ambiguous cop a Pepsi. Because cops love Pepsi when they are working in a police line at a protest march. Had Kendall not been there the religiously ambiguous woman in the head scarf who was taking photographs would not have been inspired to take the photograph of Kendall, Pepsi and the cops coming together. That photo then saves the world after a long battle in the courts over permission for the use of Jenner's image. I assume.
  6. If you’re still offended by what is arguably the best commercial ever created then remember this: Kendall’s dad is Caitlyn. Jenner. She’s transgender. Yeah. Let that sink in.

And if you are not brought to tears when, at the end of the commercial, the cast is walking towards the camera in a single file line of people who are, in order, Latino, white, black, Kendall, black, Muslim(?), Asian(?), white(?) and they flash the words “LIVE BOLDER, LIVE LOUDER , LIVE FOR NOW, PEPSI” across the shot — then you are a person with no heart and you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Her dad is Caitlyn Jenner, for Christ’s sake.

Written by

Humorist — Other Articles: www.outsmartmagazine.com/author/ryan-leach/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store