My 7 day vacation

Ryan Hessel
Aug 24, 2017 · 3 min read

Where am I going? Nowhere. “We’re not going anywhere huh Gilbert?” My vacation is the 7 days not being around my sister as she serves jail time. Why is she in jail? Simple. For being a moron. Do I sound harsh yet? Do I feel guilty for being relieved that she’s out of the house? Fuck, and no. You see family is a precious thing. A precious thing that ironically is very easy to throw out the window if an individual is willing enough. We’re all capable of fucking everything up in our lives. We’re all capable of choosing whether or not to do so, it’s human nature to be the best we can possibly be or the worst.

No doubt. Family is important, but there’s a line that some people choose to ignore about it. When a person constantly hurts another person for no particular reason other than selfishness and instant gratification should the victim still be there for this individual? Should they no matter what always be there for them because they’re family? My answer is simple: fuck, and no. The phrase: “Well…they’re family.” Is just an enabling device. Like I said, as people we always have a choice to be the best version of ourselves or the worst. I’ve been around people who choose to be the worst. It’s not fun, and it’s not worth my time or anyone else's. I will not be dragged down by someone because of how much I’m related to them. I have a hard enough time trying not to drag myself down. I don’t need someone on the outside doing it for me.

I cannot wait until I have enough income to move out of my childhood home. I cannot wait to be away from the ignorance and selfishness that I’m currently forced to be exposed to. I cannot wait to feel this relief permanently. This feeling shouldn’t have to be a “vacation” for me but it is. I hate that it has to be this way and I hate that I’m forced to feel this way but I can’t ignore it. It’s not right whats been happening. I know, I’m the oldest, I’m supposed to put up with all the bullshit. Well I have. I’ve done my time, and now I want it to end.

I’ve been so close to drinking the past two weeks. So close to once again throwing my life away to make love to a bottle with my mouth, but I haven’t, because I’ve made the choice as a grown adult not to. Instead I mouth fuck cigarettes and coffee cups. Both of these affairs I’ll eventually get around to eliminating. The smoking definitely, the caffeine I’ll think about. The point is I’m using the lessons my parents raised me with to be the best person I can be. Despite how some days I’d like to throw it all away again, and tell everyone I care about to go fuck themselves, I’m going to get what I can out of this life.

)

Ryan Hessel

Here to spew whatever sickness inhabits my mind. Good or bad.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade