The little things

I enjoy simple things in life. I have my routines that have to be met. Such as writing, and I have to do it in this exact coffee shop 20 minutes away from my house. Otherwise it doesn’t feel write. Get it? I’ve made this public place my office. I have to sit in the same comfy armchair as well otherwise the creative juices won’t flow properly. There’s a small table next to me where I place my sunglasses, phone, hat,(if I’m wearing one), and of course my cup of joe. If “my chair” is occupied I’ll still sit elsewhere and write, but when this happens I often study the body that’s in it and predict when they’re going to leave. When they do it’s a small victory for me that nobody will ever know about. I also have to have at least two cups of coffee while I’m here or the entire day is fucked. Not really though.

If something in my routines didn’t go exactly as planned it used to fuck up my whole day. That’s when I was younger, angrier, and more alone than ever. All I had was my routines. I’ve always been like this. Following a subconscious checklist every day. I used to make it a chore to follow it, to the point where it would depress me. Now It’s more like an outline on a piece of paper instead of carved in stone. My “outline” for today is finish this blog entry when I’m satisfied with its content, leave with enough time to make my lunch before work, annoy my Chihuahua, then head to work and try to stay positive through being a factory rat. My hope is that by following these simple outlines every day and finding joy in them it’ll put me in a better mood so I can handle bigger things in life.

I just had a mental breakdown not two months ago. So taking it easy and focusing on smaller things doesn’t feel like a crime. My mom asked me the other day when I’m planning on going back to school. Hopefully this winter, but I won’t go back until I’m absolutely ready. That’s the way it should be.

It was cloudy when I got up this morning. Now I can see blue sky and the sun peaking between clouds. It makes me feel safe. I’m sitting in the front of this coffee shop. I study people as they walk by. I just made awkward eye contact with a woman who was walking by. Her face was glued to her phone. She had a look of disgust on her face when she looked up at me. Either that or it was constipation. Or both. I study people inside the shop as well. There’s a barista working now who vaguely knows me. She has an anchor tattooed behind one of her ears. She just smiled and said hello to a customers baby. The baby looks like the marshmallow monster from Ghost Busters only a lot cuter.

“You look like you’re just living life to the fullest right now! Wearing a diaper and nothing else!” She says to the infant whose chubby cheeks rise and fall between grins.

“Hey gotta do it while you can.” The father says to her.

This whole exchange made me smile and chuckle. There are small spherical lights above me for decoration. They’re plugged into an outlet with a sign above it that reads “DO NOT UNPLUG”. I often unplug these lights anyways if my laptop needs to be charged. This place doesn’t need the extra light right now anyways. They close at 9. Sure it’s getting darker sooner as fall approaches but so what? I regret nothing for the sake of writing. I’m about to get my 3rd and final cup of coffee for the day. They have punch cards here. If you get a certain number of punches you get a free drink. They aren’t supposed to punch your card if you’re getting a refill, but this barista does anyways.

There’s a woman who just walked in that I briefly wanted to date. Briefly meaning the thought crossed my mind for a total of two days. I’ve hung out with her through a friend of mine I met at film school. I’ve been around her a handful of times yet we don’t acknowledge each other’s existence. These types of situations always strike me as funny. People come and they go.

There’s a short man in his 30’s that’s here more often than I am. Every day to be exact. He wears the same hat every day too, and has a seat that he always sits in as well. It’s the left seat at the coffee “bar”. I recently learned that he has a crush on the barista working through a mutual friend. She’s uncomfortable with this fact. I’m not sure how much. My guess is slightly.

Another barista who vaguely knows me walked in moments ago. She has a large red chest tattoo along with many others. She has a very stimulating style. Does that sound creepy? It’s not meant to be. What I mean by that is it’s her own. I’ve never been around someone who dresses the way she does.

Why am I basically listing all these things around me? Because they affect me. I feel comfortable in this atmosphere and around these people. The baristas of course don’t know it, but the smallest things they do like being themselves with customers makes my day a bit better. This happy place that I’ve constructed for myself inspires me. Once I make a pile of all these little things in my head the comfortability adds up. It’s a subconscious activity that I’m making conscious for this entry. Little things lead to bigger things. Baby steps everyone. Baby steps.