My weekend.

No Trophies for Me: Why conventional sports aren’t my thing.

I never really understood the fascination with sports. Sure I like playing them, I may not know every single rule, or most of the rules, but I do generally have fun. Not being a particularly competitive person though, I don’t really understand the anger associated with loosing. Or winning. Or whatever your supposed to get mad about in sports. Fieldgoals? I don’t know. Let’s just say that my parent’s attic isn’t overflowing with little league trophies.

First off I should explain. I don’t have a cable. Not only that, I don’t have a TV. I have a laptop though. But I don’t have internet on a regular basis. I’m running a sketchy syphoning operation from my landlord. Don’t tell. But even that doesn’t always work. So my first excuse for not watching is access. Even when I had access at my parents house the most I ever really watched was the Super Bowl and maybe. . . maaaayyybbbee two other games a year.

That was only when “my team” was playing. My team being, the team with Payton Manning. I like him. That’s literally only because I saw him in an episode of Saturday Night Live one time and I thought he was funny. Seriously that is the only reason. Plus I guess he seems cool. We could hang. To bad he only plays football. My other favorite teams will suffer or cease to exist due to lack of Payton Manning.


Now that I’ve lost the respect of 99% of all men I shall continue. Another reason. I really like my weekends. I was recently asked my weekend plans by a random acquaintance while waiting in line at a coffee shop. I told her I was keeping it pretty open. Saturday maybe a big hike up some mountain with my wife and then Sunday maybe a bike ride or some rock climbing, nothing set in stone. I did the usual dance and asked her what their plans were. Football. That was the plan. Well not really her plan as much as her husbands plan. Sunday was dedicated to football. Her husband literally rolls out of bed around 10 and turns on ESPN and settles in on the couch till it’s time to sleep. She feeds him and keeps him hydrated I guess?

This isn’t an uncommon trend I’ve come to find out. The only difference tends to be the level of interest from the wife. I talked with a coworker who said that she just “couldn’t imagine a Sunday without ESPN on all day.” That was followed by a, “what else is there to even do on Sunday anyway?”

The one thing that confused me the most about my findings was why were they watching all the games? I asked one of my buddies, who is a Bengals fan why he watches all the other games and he said that it was for his “Fantasy Team.”

Of course! Wait what? I’d heard of fantasy football before, but I thought it was something involving women in bikinis. I was confused. I googled. I was wrong about the bikini thing. Basically, and this is a very flawed and general description: Fantasy football = your favorite team isn’t good enough for you so you make your own team which entails you watching more football, in which leads to wasting your time watching teams that you don’t even care about as a whole, hoping that one member of said team will play and do well so that your fantasy team will beat your other friends fantasy team and you will have bragging rights over winning something that technically doesn’t even exist but consumes most of your weekend. Sounds like a fancy fantasy.

What?!?

I digress.

I don’t watch sports because I don’t care. Others do. Simple as that. I just invite sports fans to take a hike. . . literally. Go outside on the weekends and take a hike. Same goes for the Netflix binge watchers. CSI Tallahassee can wait. Most of us spend our whole weeks sitting inside either at work or school staring into screens full of words and numbers. Don’t spend your precious weekends doing the same thing.

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