Worth The Risk…
I always say Love is worth the risk. I wholeheartedly believe that it is. However, as I sit here at my desk, I wonder if I am meant to have that kind of Love in my life. I wonder if it’s meant for me. I have spent much of my life, from a very young age, alone. Up until this point I have been completely fine with it. I have had a handful of relationships that have held any meaning for me. One’s that actually changed and shaped the person I am now. I am a creature of Love. I talk about it, write about it. It lives in everything I do. I can advise and instruct others around me on how to get it and keep it, yet for myself I am unsuccessful. Do I need to change my perspective around it?Am I being impatient? Am I, as far as I am concerned a non-believer? Do I not think that I am deserving or good enough for the kind of love I want? For that matter, what kind of Love do I want? Am I destined to spend this life alone? It all sounds so dramatic. I suppose it is. Everything is when it comes to matters of the heart.
I made a choice to focus on me and yet I find myself ridiculously distracted with the notion of finding a mate. I know its part of the process. We struggle most with the things that are the biggest defectors from our path. For me, WOMEN. I know at this moment I have to be all about myself. I am working hard to create this beautiful tribe. So far it has been amazing. The people that are my nearest and dearest are these phenomenal women who bring such joy to my life and my heart is so full of love and appreciation of and for them. And yet, I still feel this yearning to be a part of something greater. To have and be a partner who is fully committed. No hesitations. No doubts. I know what I want and I am anxious to fill that part of me. I want to write songs and poems and sonnets about my Love. Not just daydream about when that day will come.
My person is so incredibly sure of herself. She knows exactly who she is and what she wants. And is not satisfied living life just as it is. My woman is hungry. She has a thirst for knowledge, she is ambitious. She craves experience in all its forms. She wants to see the world through others eyes. She is an artist. She is as driven and as hard-working as I am. She is devoted. To herself as deeply as she is to her people. She is independent. She is fierce. She is sexy. She is educated and witty. She likes to wear lingerie for me. She is not afraid to speak her mind. She loves helping people. She is my biggest fan. She is the one I can completely fall apart with. She is my hero. She will sweep me off my feet. She will know she is in Love with me the moment she lays eyes on me and I the same with her and we will say it, out loud and unashamed. She will be my greatest story.