“The Legend of Soulu” — A Terrible Story I Wrote in the 6th Grade

[NOTE: This story is presented almost completely unaltered from my awful middle school fantasies, typos and all. The only changes have been made for formatting purposes, and in these cases a bracketed note will be provided to explain the change as such.]

There was once the happy land of Imak. It lived happily until Pirate Thingy came. Pirate Thingy was a pirate most despicable. He sailed on his ship, the Landslayer, and destroyed worlds. He carried numerous demons (In the half-universe mortals had creatures to back them up. The good had gods and the evil had demons). Such things were the Beast of Drawkcab, a serpent who’s tongue is a smaller Beast, who’s tongue in turn is a yet smaller beast, this cycle going on through an infinite amount of Beasts of Drawkcab, all lying in the mouth of one. The Beast of Drawkcab also could speak the Hsilgne language, which was like English only completely backwards. It was quite the companion of Pirate Thingy. “Tahw yortsed ot gnoig er’ew?” the beast asked. He was quite reluctant to see Imak get destroyed (the creator of Imak was half-human, half-Beast of Drawkcab, and the schools there taught both English and Hsilgne) “Thousands of worlds not yet destroyed and Imak one of them.” Pirate Thingy muttered. “BUT MILLIONS OF WORLDS DESTROYED AND MANY STRONGER THAN IMAK!” Pirate Thingy was quite frightening. He had an oval-shaped gray body with two eyestalks coming out of it. His right eye was completely black, as an eyepatch. He had six arms, the top right one holding his sword, the Pirateslayer, one touch could kill a pirate, but since he possessed it, it couldn’t stop him. His legs had only two curved toes, which in turn had two curved toes on those toes. And those toes had two curved toes. So he had a total of 60 toes. [NOTE: On my original copy it says “24” toes, with the number crossed out and “60” handwritten over it.] He didn’t have a mouth; he spoke through telepathy and didn’t need to eat. No one was sure what Pirate Thingy was. He was definitely not a mortal, but he had the strength of a god yet the wrath of a demon. Some said he was a completely new creature called a demod, but people laughed at the thought of that. Beasts of Drawkcab used the only name for what he was. They called his kind “Suoregnad” which translates to dangerous. And a Suoregnad he was indeed, for he destroyed many lands, one of them about to be Imak. But now let us look at the hero for this story. His name is Soulu. This is a Gibberian name, which loosely translates to “God’s Sword and Demon’s Shield.” But it seemed Soulu was a lone sword, for he had no god to protect him, nor did he have a demon. He lived in Imak because he thought of it as the last place Pirate Thingy would come to, so he wouldn’t need a god. He was napping at the time and by the time he woke up he slept through Pirate Thingy’s whole invasion. Everyone he knew and loved was dead. Everyone he knew and hated was dead. Everyone he didn’t know was dead. All the buildings were burnt to the ground except the shopping mall he slept in (Pirate Thingy mistook him for a mannequin, and didn’t kill him). Pirate Thingy was still there though. He was checking any buildings for valuable items, a he found many. Banks and museums were the few things not turned to rubble, but merely stolen. Pirate Thingy then hopped on his ship and poured these valuables into his mountain of treasure, full of such priceless items that you could sell him the planet Earth and it wouldn’t be enough to own it. But the Beast of Drawkcab noticed Soulu and said “Tfel erom eno si ereht! Ygniht Etarip, kool!”

“Well well well, it seems I should have destroyed the mannequins. Look at him, Beast. He doesn’t have a weapon and merely holds leather armor!” Pirate Thingy laughed his wheezy, cold laugh as the Beast of Drawkcab laughed “AH AH AH AH AH AH AH!” Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck the sky, and where it was lay a sword. Soulu grabbed the sword and noticed it was engraved with “SOULU’S GOD HAS COME.” [This was originally written in the Wingdings font, as all divine messages are.] on one side and “R.D.” on the other side. Soulu grabbed the sword and rushed toward Pirate Thingy but he pulled out his shield. The shield of Pirate Thingy was tremendous, and no known attack could even scratch it. Pirate Thingy then sent in the Beast of Drawkcab after Soulu. The Beast stuck out his tongue. The tongue stuck out his tongue. The tongue’s tongue stuck out his tongue. The tongue’s tongue’s tongue stuck out his tongue. Suddenly Soulu faced an army, yet he hacked at each one and killed the Beast of Drawkcab. Yet one tongue had regenerated. “Mine is enchanted.” Said PT. “When it dies it’s tongue grows. Bye!” he sailed off and Soulu’s quest began. He started through his journey until he came to the Revoris Desert. He noticed the place’s initials. R.D. like on his sword. He figured it must be where he belonged, but he was not sure. Revoris Desert was home to many dangerous creatures. Suddenly he found himself next to Scorpius. Scorpius was one of the guards making sure no enemies get in Revoris Desert. He was an Animandrus, a half-human half-animal creature. He had orange skin, a human head, but he had claws instead of hands and on his back a giant stinger. “Friend or foe?” he asked.

“Friend.” Soulu said.

“Then why do you have weapons?”

“These are to slay Pirate Thingy.”

“You could be working for Pirate Thingy, but people who work for him know him inside and out. I used to once. I found out everything except what he is. Let’s ask a question about Pirate Thingy. If you get it wrong, you can come in. But if you get it right…” Scorpius pointed his stinger at Soulu. “What is Pirate Thingy’s real name?”

Soulu thought. Pirate Thingy looked like a Raxus, so Soulu didn’t say Raxus.

“Tin Hyg Taripe?”

“Welcome to Revoris Desert.” Soulu looked at Revoris Desert. It was crawling with Animandruses. There was Rattlok, a rattlesnake warlock who specialized in the dark arts. He used to be rule and tyrant of Revoris Desert, but he stopped his cruelty when he realized Pirate Thingy could overthrow him. There was Myoto, the most powerful Animandrus in Revoris Desert. He was half-bat. He claims he could even stop Pirate Thingy, but he only comes at night. The one Soulu was looking for, was Humerus. Humerus was an owl man, and like the owls in stories, he was very wise. Soulu went to see Humerus and asked him what the engravement on his sword meant. “This is the language of Gods.” Humerus says. “It is half-Gibberian and half-English. For example, ‘The hat is red’ translates in Goddian to “The hat is red” [This is in Wingdings too, naturally.] Yours translates to ‘Soulu’s god has come.’ On the other side appears to be the initials of your god.”

“Do you know any gods with the initials R.D.?”

“Yes. There’s Reckaron Dinus, Restrictra Divan, Rikoshik Dep, and there is also the demon Reaper Death.” Suddenly Scorpius came out. He was bleeding everywhere, his claws clutching to his heart as if it would fall out if he didn’t.

“Rattlok…Myoto…fighting…” Scorpius was near death until he muttered “Atari Ignite”

Humerus gasped. “Goddian!” Humerus quickly looked through his books on language to translate Scorpius’ last words. After finally figuring out it translated to “Pirate Thingy.” That’s when the Beast of Drawkcab bit Humerus in the neck. “I will avenge you.” Soulu thought. He went outside and saw chaos. Rattlok had created Dark Juice and was pouring it at Pirate Thingy praying it would kill him. Myoto had sucked blood out of Pirate Thingy so he had all of Pirate Thingy’s powers and even looked like him, only the real Pirate Thingy couldn’t fly. “My copied Pirateslayer is just as powerful as yours!” the bat shouted. The Dark Juice, Soulu’s sword, and mimicked Pirateslayer hit Pirate Thingy at the same time. Pirate Thingy’s skin was punctured and out burst treasure, along with a note that said

“Congratulations, you killed my dummy. Here’s your share of the treasure, along with a bomb to use against me when you face me for real. And to save the trouble, I lit the fuse for you.” [This is written in one of those Old English-looking fonts, I guess to make it look handwritten even though it looks even less handwritten than Times New Roman.]

Soulu knew what was up next. He ran away, far away from the Revoris Desert. He swore he would avenge them all, Scorpius, Humerus, Rattlok, Myoto, and all the poor citizens of Imak. He knew all he could do now was find Reckaron Dinus.

Soulu walked; he had a map and a list of gods and demons with him. Reckaron Dinus lived in the landfill of Citicus. Citicus was the largest land in the half-universe and it had lots of garbage. The landfill was roughly twice the size of Citicus and no one lived there, except Reckaron Dinus. Reckaron Dinus did not protect anyone, and no god protected Soulu, so as he headed for the landfill of Citicus, he kept thinking, “It must be him.” For the second time Soulu entered a new land and for the second time a guard harassed him. This one was made of trash. Its torso was a garbage can, its head a giant ball with various things on it to form a face and its arms and legs were spears with Swiss army knives for hands and tennis racquets for feet. “Dinus has had his eye on you, he has. Every land you go to Pirate Thingy follows.” He said. “Then the land is destroyed, and you escape safely. Pirate Thingy seems to be taking quite the orders from you. Destroy where you tell ‘im to destroy, then you two escape. Dinus don’t let any of them pirates in.” The guard’s Swiss army knife hands revealed some sharp mechanisms. “And we don’t want pirates in the landfill…” The guard moved his hand slowly at Soulu’s neck until a voice uttered “HE IS NOT ONE OF PIRATE THINGY’S. LET HIM THROUGH.” The guard said nothing. He just stared there with a blank expression on his face. A few minutes passed until the guard whispered, “You may go.” He then went back in his trash can. Soulu looked at the landfill. It was no mere clump of trash. It was a city of trash. Little citizens of trash went about the city in old cars to huge metal buildings. Soulu found it fascinating. Soulu went up to one trash woman and asked, “Do you know where I can find Reckaron Dinus?” The woman pointed at a gigantic metal pyramid. Soulu walked up to it, wondering of how Reckaron Dinus protected no one in this gigantic trash city. When Soulu finally reached the top of the pyramid, he saw more trash. Out of it emerged a trash dinosaur, which blurted “Fascinating, aren’t they? I make inanimate objects come to life. I can recycle them to more of a purpose. Citicus’ king is even considering to make it part of the city.”

“Are you-”

“Reckaron Dinus, the mortalless god. And you are Soulu, the godless mortal.”

“Could you possibly be my god?”

“I don’t know. Zodra told me about you (Zodra was the king of the gods) and he said we weren’t matches. I’m not your protector.”

“But your initials are R.D.” Soulu pulled out his sword and showed the initials R.D. Reckaron Dinus gasped. “The R.D. sword. No Soulu, I am not your god. But I can still protect you. If you have a weapon with initials on it, legend says good luck should come to wherever you see those initials.”

“By good luck do you mean the Revoris Desert getting destroyed?”

“My boy, I am the god of reanimation. Everyone in Revoris Desert is back to normal. It looks like Pirate Thingy was never there. But to stop Pirate Thingy is something you must do. You should stay in the Citicus Landfill. Pirate Thingy can’t get you there.”

And so Soulu did. He ate what other people threw away. He talked to people who were merely Reckaron Dinus’ puppets. He didn’t like it, and the only thing that stopped him from leaving is “Pirate Thingy’s not here.”

Pirate Thingy’s not here.

Pirate Thingy’s not here.

Pirate Thingy’s not here.

Pirate Thingy’s…

HERE.

Soulu looked up in the sky and saw the Landslayer. The ship fired pods. They looked like mini-Landslayers only on top of it was what looked like the bottom. Those pods opened and the end of the tiny ships sunk into the earth. They grew bigger and then sprouted into giant demon spiders. They slowly ate away at the garbage. Soulu grabbed the R.D. sword and gave a quick swipe at the largest spider. The spider briefly felt an itch, and as he scratched it Reckaron Dinus used his powers of reanimation to bring the digested garbage back to life. More guards like the ones that Soulu first saw killed the spiders from the insides. Then all the garbage fused into one gigantic creature. It was like a metal lizard only it had eight legs. The creature stood on all fours and he found out he had four arms and four legs. Then Reckaron Dinus split into four swords. The lizard grabbed all four. “MAYBE YOU’LL FIND THIS ALTERNATE FORM OF ME MORE OF A CHALLENGE!” the lizard shouted. The four swords struck the Landslayer and some of Pirate Thingy’s precious treasures poured out of the four holes. Reckaron Dinus then set Soulu’s blade ablaze. The animated sword dragged Soulu to the four piles of gold. The flaming sword melted the gold and they formed four soldiers similar to the landfill’s guards. The guards let loose the tools on their golden Swiss army knives and carved the Landslayer to a wooden dragon. The dragon then took a claw, grabbed Pirate Thingy and ate him. Everyone cheered until the dragon fell dead. Then out of its mouth came a small ship. Pirate Thingy was on it and engraved in it was LANDSLAYER II. “You’re not the only one with such powers!” Pirate Thingy shouted. He raised his sword up in the air. The dragon carried the ship in its mouth. The soldiers surrounded the dragon. Then Pirate Thingy waved the sword in the air and controlled Reckaron Dinus. “Now return things to the way they were!” the pirate shouted. Suddenly out from sky dropped a giant raptor. Its teeth were the size of the Empire State Building. Its body was so huge everyone in the half-universe could see it. “That,” the dinosaur pointed at the metal lizard, “is my puppet. I am Reckaron Dinus.” The dragon, soldiers, and lizard fused as one and made a golden creature with the dragon’s head, the soldiers’ body (only the Swiss army knives and tennis racquets became long strong arms and legs, and there were again four arms and four legs), and the lizard’s four swords. Reckaron Dinus concentrated as hard as he could, and got the monster to move. “SOULU, IT TAKES A GREAT DEAL OF ENERGY TO MOVE THIS. I CAN ONLY HANDLE THIS FOR TWO HOURS. HELP ME.” Soulu grabbed the R.D. sword and struck the Landslayer II, Making a smaller dragon, which got in the big dragon’s mouth. Pirate Thingy was falling, and it was so high he could get killed. Quickly he pulled out the Beast of Drawkcab. The creature pulled out his endless tongues and the smallest one bit Reckaron Dinus’ tooth. Pirate Thingy swung from it, grabbed his sword, and struck Reckaron Dinus in the eye. This caused the god so much pain he no longer reanimated the golden beast. The Landslayer’s wood went back to form the ship. Pirate Thingy’s treasure went back into the ship. All the remaining junk turned back into the Metal Lizard and continually hit Reckaron Dinus. All Reckaron Dinus thought of was pain, which is what the lizard animated. The four swords struck Dinus so badly Soulu hoped he came back okay. Soulu tried to run but Pirate Thingy grabbed his throat. “You’re coming with me.” He said. “It was a failed attempt. Reckaron Dinus was not your god, but by doing this he should be out of pain. Now we’re going to have a guy’s night out and go see Restrictra Divan.” He opened a door on the ship and threw Soulu in it. Pirate Thingy took the R.D. sword and then pulled out a gun. Soulu feared being shot but the gun merely shot another pod. A demon spider came out. “Guard him.” Pirate Thingy said and left.

A few hours later Pirate Thingy let Soulu out and gave him his sword back. Soulu knew what to do. He did what the lizard did to poor Reckaron Dinus. Pirate Thingy laughed. “You have a good sense of humor to make me laugh, but a tickle is no joke.” Soulu looked outside the Landslayer and saw Citicus. It was a wonder. Buildings the size of what Soulu saw in the landfill. There were people walking everywhere. Soulu wanted to go to Citicus ever since he was a child. He shed a tear at how his wish came true, only for him to be kidnapped by the most sinister being in the half-universe in the process. Pirate Thingy grabbed Soulu, held him over the ship, and dropped him. Soulu closed his eyes, and then opened them. He was alive. “We’re one inch above ground you fool. You can do whatever you want, but leave when we leave and if you try to leave the city, we’ll kill you.” Pirate Thingy jumped out of the ship and walked off. Soulu wondered what sort of villain ever let his hostage go free to do whatever he pleased. Soulu went out and had some fun. While walking on the streets he tripped. He looked at what he tripped over and saw it was for a concert to see Restrictra Divan. Soulu immediately realized that she was a god. Soulu picked up the tickets and ran off. When he arrived at the location, he saw quite a lot of people. One was a human whose eyes seemed as if they would pop out of the sockets, arms so huge that three of them could fit in one arm, and very big shoes. Soulu immediately realized that was Pirate Thingy. “He had quite a fight during Reckaron Dinus. What he could do with Restrictra Divan is unimaginable!” Pirate Thingy thought. Suddenly an announcer came out and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, adolescents of both ages, I present to you, THE GOD RESTRICTRA DIVAN!”

Restrictra Divan came out. It (this god had no gender) was a psiren. It looked like whatever you wanted it to look like. Soulu saw himself, triumphing over Pirate Thingy and handing the creature’s vast treasure to the poor, as well as leaving a small sum to himself. Pirate Thingy saw a gorgeous woman with even more treasure, giving it all to Pirate Thingy. Restrictra Divan’s true form was an ugly creature like a giant mosquito. It then sang a song, and whatever song the people wanted to hear, they thought they were hearing it. Soulu heard “The Beast is Dead”. Pirate Thingy heard “He Wants Me For Money, He Wants Me For Love, He Wants Me Because I Own Six Weird-shaped Globes.” The real song was something from the other half-universe; it’s sound something the human ear cannot comprehend. After the song Pirate Thingy went up to Restrictra Divan and said “Good si- mad- god, would you like to make the world a better place?” Pirate Thingy then muttered under his breath “FOR ME.” Restrictra Divan said “Why not? I can appeal to one’s eyes and ears, I should help their hearts and bodies.”

“That’s great.”

Pirate Thingy and Restrictra Divan walked to the Landslayer, which had its name painted over with “Smileyship.” Soulu took action, ran up and stabbed Pirate Thingy right in the back. “You killed him!” Restrictra Divan shouted. Soulu saw the god as a happy villager praising Soulu, but Soulu still heard those words. Soulu quickly removed Pirate Thingy’s disguise. “Great job,” the god said. “Let me touch the body and make sure it’s dead.” Restrictra Divan then took off the disguise, revealing it was really Pirate Thingy.

“Congratulations. You killed a god.”

Soulu was astonished.

“FOOL! I was disguised as Restrictra Divan! You wanted to see me, so that’s what the god looked like! Don’t worry though, it wasn’t your god. And now you gave me a new power. POWER ABSORPTION! A mere touch lets me take that thing’s powers! Now I have the abilities of a psiren!” Pirate Thingy reached a finger towards the R.D. sword. Soulu knew the sword had great powers. One touch and they’d all be gone. Pirate Thingy laid his finger towards the sword and touched it. Lightning burst from the sword and shocked Pirate Thingy. The shock was great and powerful. Soulu quickly jumped on the Landslayer, took the crew hostage, and ran it towards to Rikoshek Dep. The shock lasted two hours, and by that time Soulu was quite ahead of Pirate Thingy. He soon landed the ship in the ocean. “The ocean” said Soulu puzzled. “How can I see Rikoshik Dep in the ocean?” Soulu then saw a button labeled UNDERWATER. Soulu pressed it and the ship had a glass top over it and went underwater. Soulu sailed under water for a few minutes until he came across an underwater city. The buildings were giant pods, which objects could come through and then breathe there, and when someone went through the pods, no water went in. Soulu sailed the Landslayer towards the closest pod he could see and rammed right through it. Conveniently, it was the marina. Soulu looked and saw mermaids and mermen. Mermaids and mermen always confused Soulu. They had lungs on their human half and gills on the fish half. One half of their breathing mechanisms therefore couldn’t breathe, no matter if they were on land and sea. So ever since he was six Soulu would wonder, “How do mermaids exist?” Soulu thought that again and accidentally said it out loud. He was ignored except by one merman, which said, “By being born!” Suddenly, some mermen with muscles, tridents, and strong fish tails came and attacked the Landslayer shouting “COMRADES OF PIRATE THINGY!” Soulu told the army on how he stole Pirate Thingy’s ship and came her looking for Rikoshik Dep. When he showed the R.D. sword the merpeople took Soulu to Rikoshek Dep immediately. Two attractive mermaids led Soulu to a sunken ship. Soulu held his breath and happily found air in Rikoshik’s chamber. What Soulu saw was a giant ocean mine with a mechanical head, arms, and legs. Before Soulu could speak Rikoshik Dep interrupted “You found the R.D. sword, came to see if I’m your god so we can stop Pirate Thingy. That always happens when you find swords with initials. Back when I was a mortal I found the Z sword and became a god. But this is R.D., not Z. Don’t worry though; Pirate Thingy can’t get you underwater. You can stay here and eat the finest seafood, sleep in the most comfortable waterbeds, and meet the best-looking mermaids.” And Soulu did so. He lived quite happily and thought just maybe Rikoshik Dep could be his god. But if that were true Soulu would constantly think if he was a merman. Every morning and night he looked down to make sure he still had legs and not fins. One day Soulu was eating some sushi when he heard a small “CLICK” on it. He looked down at the sushi and saw nothing. That is, until 2,453,892 other tongues of the Beast of Drawkcab appeared, as well as Pirate Thingy. “Hello,” said Pirate Thingy weakly. “So you think you’re safe underwater, eh? Well let me show you the safety of the water.” Pirate Thingy took the Pirateslayer and rubbed it against the ground. He rubbed it until one spark appeared. Then Pirate Thingy whispered a nursery rhyme most famous warriors loved as kids. Soulu liked the rhyme too. Slowly Pirate Thingy said it…

“A spark in the dark makes more dangerous sharks.”

Suddenly the water turned to lava. Soulu worried the pods would break, but they didn’t. Until one hole emerged and out burst the most terrifying thing Soulu saw. Its head was the skull of a demosaur (half-demon, half-dinosaur) and it’s body that of an orc’s. He wielded a gigantic axe. “Mortals, I present to you the king of demons, HYMAPEP!” Pirate Thingy shouted, as Hymapep growled something in Demonian. Demonian words cannot be read by the human eye, heard by the human ear, or written by the human hand, because it’s so terrifying. A few experts in Demonian told me the growl meant, “Well done Pirate Thingy. But you do know I need food to survive.” As a merarmy rushed in Pirate Thingy fed them to Hymapep, his orc’s body and axe becoming a merman’s body and trident. Whatever Hymapep ate, he became. His last head was that of a demosaur long ago, and since he believes it is the perfect head, he only eats bodies. Suddenly Rikoshik Dep emerged. “BY THE FIRE OF ZODRA!” [This is in Wingdings too.] he shouted, translating to “BY THE FIRE OF ZODRA!” Rikoshik Dep’s mechanical head and limbs went into his ocean mine body. The mine rolled around the pod, bouncing various places until finally hitting Hymapep. Hymapep caught the mine on his trident and devoured the god, his head becoming the mechanical one of Rikoshik Dep, with bells and whistles that made the demon king even more powerful. Then the trident cut the pod open creating a swirling black hole. Soulu was knocked into it and fell into the abyss. When he woke up he found himself next to a chart. It said

NAME: SOULU

SINS COMMITTED:

ANGER

SLOTH

LUST

PRIDE

SIN SCORE: 57%

COMMANDMENTS BROKEN:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD

THE SABBATH DAY IS HOLY

COMMANDMENT SCORE: 40%

FIRST SCORE

51% GOOD

49% EVIL

BONUS PENALTIES

DESTRUCTION MAGNETISM

LETTING OTHERS DIE BEFORE HIM

FINAL SCORE

49% GOOD

51% EVIL

SEND TO: UNDJARK

Soulu found next to him Reaper Death. Slowly he said, “Rikoshik Dep is dead. But if he were your god, so would you be. He is not your god.” Soulu was covered in fear. If his god wasn’t Reckaron Dinus, Restrictra Divan, or Rikoshik Dep, then it must have been Reaper Death, though he was a demon. But demons only protected the evil. Soulu tried so hard to protect the half-universe from Pirate Thingy, yet he was evil. He writhed in pain and screamed “WHY?” Reaper Death smirked and said, “Because it is your destiny!” Reaper Death showed Soulu around Undjark, the land of the demons. Soulu met all sorts of demons and met his punishment. He lived in agony for a long time until Reaper Death said “Soulu, there is something I must tell you.” Before Reaper Death could speak again out emerged the real Reaper Death. The real one was small. He was about the size of Soulu. The one Soulu had been seeing was huge. Reaper Death swore in Demonian and asked, “Who are you?” The impostor took off his cloak. He was a golden dragon, a beast so beautiful Soulu was staring at him, almost hypnotized in his beauty, until the dragon shouted “ZODRA!” Reaper Death ran away, but ran too slow. Zodra breathed fire and ate the ashes. “Soulu,” he said. “Reaper Death is not your guardian. The chart is fake. You are good, not evil. You are one of the greatest warriors to walk the Earth. You belong in Mt. Assun, not Undjark. We must join forces and stop Hymapep and Pirate Thingy. Will you help me?” Soulu, awed, weakly said “Sure.” Soulu hopped on Zodra’s back and the majestic god flew towards Hymapep’s chamber. Hymapep held Pirate Thingy up to his mouth, the six-armed pirate screaming in pain. Hymapep dropped Pirate Thingy, but stared at Zodra and Soulu, so Pirate Thingy fell in the floor, not Hymapep’s mouth. “Your reign of terror has gone on quite enough!” Zodra shouted. He breathed fire, charring away the merman body and Rikoshik Dep’s head, leaving merely a decrepit skeleton. “Is he dead?” Soulu asked. “No, just unconscious.” Zodra replied. While Soulu started, the Pirateslayer, hit him in the chest, his torso now with the letters PT on it in blood. Pirate Thingy then stomped on Hymapep’s skull, killing the demon king. “You think in this demonic chess game I am a mere pawn and you are king? Well you’re wrong.” Pirate Thingy grabbed the Pirateslayer and struck Zodra between the eyes. If he had a mouth, he’d smirk. Then Pirate Thingy said in a calm, cool voice, as if he was relaxing at a beach rather than attacking the king of gods, “Checkmate.” Suddenly Zodra hocked out an egg, although it was really too soft to be an egg. “Guard it till it hardens.” Zodra whined. Soulu ran to the egg. Pirate Thingy ran toward it, but Soulu had a swordfight with the beast. “Soulu,” Pirate Thingy said in an evil tone. “This fight will be the end to one of us, so you might as well know my secrets. I am not a mortal, nor a god, nor a demon. I am a creature all by myself alone. I am a mixture of all three. I am the supreme beast. They call my kind the Alphus Omegus.”

“If you’re so ultimate,” Soulu asked, “then why am I winning?”

Suddenly the egg hardened. Soulu had a feeling some strength would hatch it, so he said. “You want the powers of my sword?” He stuck the sword into the egg. “There it is. Go on, touch it.” Forgetting about what happened in Citicus, Pirate Thingy touched the sword. Again lightning zapped Pirate Thingy, as well as the egg. The room went dark as this happened and Soulu was again reminded of the rhyme. He whispered it slowly. “A spark in the dark makes more dangerous sharks.” The lightning grew. He said it in a normal tone. “A spark in the dark makes more dangerous sharks.” The lightning covered nearly the whole room. Soulu knew what to do. He screamed the rhyme. “A SPARK IN THE DARK MAKES MORE DANGEROUS SHARKS!” The egg cracked and Pirate Thingy fainted from the shock. Out came a figure. He wore a Napoleon hat, rights, and a red and white flame on his chest. His right arm had a red glove; his left arm had an orange glove. On his hat were the letters R.D. “Who are you?” Soulu asked? “I,” said the man “am your god. I am the Remarkable Dominator, gifted with the powers of hypnosis and fire. With Zodra dead, I am the god king. You did well against Pirate Thingy, now it’s my turn.” The Remarkable Dominator pointed his right arm at Pirate Thingy and said “FREEZE.” Pirate Thingy was hypnotized and did so. The Remarkable Dominator then grabbed his left arm and shouted the rhyme loudly yet slowly.

A

SPARK

IN

THE

DARK

MAKES

MORE

DANGEROUS

SHARKS

Fire bursted over the evil pirate. He was charred beyond belief. Soulu stabbed the ashes with the R.D. sword and the sword had the powers of the Remarkable Dominator, as well as Pirate Thingy. Soulu married the warrior Fatala, and they together had three kids. In honor of the late gods, Soulu named them Dinus, Divan, and Dep. Surprisingly, Dinus had reanimation powers, Divan had psirenic powers, and in a horrible eye accident, Dep gained a bionic eye that gave him many mechanical powers. The family went on many adventures and I would say they lived happily ever after although I don’t want to sound cliche.

If you’d like me to write less terrible things now that I’m an adult, consider donating to my Patreon.