Personal Flourishing for Everyone: A Commentary on Human Flourishing Accompanied by 25 People Exploring Personal Flourishing for Themselves
I often say that my twin concerns are “freedom and flourishing”. The two are of course linked. You aren’t flourishing if you don’t have freedom, and you aren’t truly free if you aren’t flourishing. But what does “flourishing” even entail?
The fields of Philosophy and Psychology have taken various stabs at exploring this question from different perspectives, some overlapping. For the purposes of this article, we’ll only briefly look at two key ones. For one of the oldest approaches, the Aristotelian approach, Philosopher Dr. Will Buckingham points out that: “For Aristotle, a flourishing human life is one where we fully develop our own capacities, virtues, and skills.” Aristotle would have called it “eudaimonia” and would have grounded it in virtue ethics, or people developing their characters and living virtuously (involving different virtues like prudence, justice, courage, etc.).
A part of the Positive Psychology tradition is the PERMA model developed by Dr. Martin Seligman, which includes positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishments. In this model, we strive towards “increasing our positive emotions, engaging with the world and our work (or hobbies), develop[ing] deep and meaningful relationships, find[ing] meaning and purpose in our lives, and achiev[ing] our goals through cultivating and applying our strengths and talents.”
Lastly on models of flourishing, Harvard University’s Human Flourishing Program sketches out 6 domains that are a part of human flourishing that I think you will find go well with both the Aristotelian perspective and the Positive Psychology PERMA model. They also are themes that come up throughout a lot of the writings that you will see at the end of the article. The 6 domains include: 1) Happiness and Life Satisfaction, 2) Mental and Physical Health, 3) Meaning and Purpose, 4) Character and Virtue, 5) Close Social Relationships, and 6) Financial and Material Stability.
Whether we’re looking at the Aristotelian perspective or the Positive Psychology PERMA model, an active process of development is necessary in order to achieve a flourishing life. In this article, I will discuss what that process of development looks like for me, as well as show the perspectives of 25 other people within my social network. The point isn’t to find THE way to flourish, but rather to explore the many beautiful and unique ways that people flourish. Unsurprisingly though, since we all have a very similar biology and nature, you will see a lot of overlap throughout.
In my article “Struggling to Flourish: A Personal Journey”, I wrote that flourishing for me involved: “doing meaningful work, having stable income, low debt, having leisure time (time to travel, ski, and be in nature), spending time with family & friends, eating healthy, getting enjoyable physical activity, engaging in stimulating intellectual conversation, promoting the freedom & well-being of others through activism and other avenues, having time alone to contemplate and be still, and, eventually, settling down with a partner (*maybe* raising kids as well).” I still think that does a good job of capturing the things that massively contribute to my own flourishing. I think the part about promoting the freedom and well-being of others goes well with the more virtue ethics orientation of the Aristotelian approach as well. All of it goes well with the PERMA model mentioned earlier.
I think my two greatest challenges in this life, in terms of producing a flourishing life for myself, are 1. Obtaining financial security and 2. Obtaining financial security in a way I won’t hate. I want to be financially comfortable so I can do the things I enjoy (like skiing and traveling), but I also need the time to do said things and I don’t want to be miserable while I am not doing those enjoyable things. The standard model in America is having 7–14 vacation days per year and working 5 days per week. Out of 365 days/52 weeks per year, even taking into account regular off days like weekends, that’s a pittance! And not everyone even gets that! Because of that, I will have my work cut out for me in meeting those two challenges. But I don’t think they are insurmountable by any means.
That is of course just a sampling of my own situation. The great thing about this article, though, is you will be able to get a glimpse of 25 other people’s conceptions of what flourishing entails for them. Some have decided to remain anonymous, some have chosen not to use their full names, and some may have chosen pseudonyms and abbreviations. All of them come from my own social network. What matters most is the meat and potatoes of what they are saying, rather than their specific identity. Nonetheless, they are a diverse bunch of varying ages (from 20s to 70s), including people of different genders, sexual orientations, and racial/ethnic/cultural backgrounds, as well as very different careers and the like. They were allowed to put it in their own formatting and writing style, with some writing a lot more than others. I hope you get something out of them and maybe consider sharing about what contributes to your own personal flourishing in the comments section on this article.
**I also want to thank everyone who wrote something to me or were considering doing so, but that were not ultimately included.**
25 People Writing on Personal Flourishing:
Chris Matthew Sciabarra:
For me, personal flourishing is all about relationships — my relationship to myself and my relationship to others. On a deeply personal level, I have learned to be at peace with my own limitations, many of which relate to lifelong medical issues. I have learned to place a premium on self-care. Self-care has partially fueled my passion for writing, which has been both therapeutic and cathartic, even as it intellectually engages me with others. Interpersonal engagement has also enabled me to build meaningful, caring, fun, and loving relationships, so essential to my well-being. I also cannot imagine a flourishing life without music, art, and engagement with the natural world. Material sustenance is also requisite to my ability to survive — and my long-term capacity to flourish. For most of my life, I have depended largely on my sister’s financial support to sustain me. Since she died in November 2022, I’ve had to depend even more on others to help me navigate through the enormous challenges I’m now facing. I count my blessings that I have a supportive network of family and friends.
Dan Mohr:
For me it’s having the space, this includes physical, temporal, and mental space, to do things that I care about. When I say mental space, I mean the absence of high pressure for responsibilities, enabling me to do these things guilt free. And things I care about can mean a number of things. Sometimes it’s writing music. Sometimes it’s learning about subjects that interest me. Sometimes it’s spending time in the mountains.
Clay Zdobylak:
The quick answer is: saying yes to gatherings of humans, especially when that gathering wants to be of service to people.
That’s the most important element of personal flourishing.
In Le Guin’s “The Dispossessed”, the writing on the grave of Laia Asieo Odo says,
“To be whole is to be part, True journey is return.”
The thing that has always consistently made my life greater and more fulfilling and pushed back the dark sadness is participating in groups with good people. Whether organizing a trip with a large group of friends to a beach house for a weekend, or volunteering after a disaster to help people in need, being an active participant in an intimate community is what always does it for me. Life seems brighter and more full of potential and hope. It feels like a slower and mild form of a “peak experience” in Maslow’s terminology.
At this point I just assume human psychology has built into it this need for group intimacy and action, to be comfortable existing.
Ellen Young:
Having some good trusted close friends, having a wider community that’s interesting and fun to interact with, being somewhat financially secure, having good relationships with my immediate family, having access to nature and my dog.
Wes Whitman:
For a long time, I think volunteering with Food Not Bombs was big part of it for me. All my friends were united by this common task and shared values, we’d write and distribute zines together, cook and eat together, etc. It gave me a sense of purpose. When we moved out of the city, I turned more towards gardening, meditation, and we got these cats — cats are the greatest thing in the world tbh. I like building things for the cats to play on. Friendship is an important thing too — I’m happier when we throw parties and cook and hang out with friends more often.
Admittedly, I haven’t been in the best of mental health lately but hopefully therapy and maybe medication for my OCD might help. Also, I’ve been studying Buddhism and started podcasting recently, so maybe that will help distract me and give me purpose again.
I had mental health problems when I was younger, but I was happy and doing well for a while — most of the last decade — so hopefully the current struggle is just a momentary hiccup along the way.
AJ:
The most important thing to me in life is connecting with people. I want to understand others and feel understood. I love laughing and making others laugh, which is only possible with connection. People are deep and complicated and interesting, and I always want to learn more about how we think and feel. Helping others feels good too. I feel like I’m flourishing when I’m spending time with people I love who show love back to me.
Life is better with others, so I’m always looking for ways to go through life side-by-side, like errand hangs or coworking in coffee shops. I want to get out of the isolating trap of feeling like you can only see friends as a fun reward after getting all your tasks done, because the tasks are never-ending and doing tasks with friends is better than alone. I don’t want to hear only the happy news in my friends’ lives, I want to hear their struggles as they go through them and I want to share mine as well, because I believe that helps us truly understand each other, and we can help each other through life and all be better off for it.
Consuming and creating art in all forms also feels like a vital part of a good life to me. I don’t think you need to be talented at art to justify creating it — I think creating it is its own satisfaction and a great way to process life and emotions. Consuming art can be a sensory delight that makes life more joyous, or can have a deeper impact on how you live life. Other hobbies such as swimming are also worthwhile for their own sake because they are fun and feel good.
Since work takes up such a large amount of time, it’s an important factor in one’s quality of life too. It does feel good to work on something that feels meaningful and useful to the world. A simple conclusion to jump to from there would be that I should work on what I think is the most important thing to be doing. But something I’ve learned over time is that it’s really difficult to sustain 40+ hours of work per week on anything, even things I like doing. There’s a balancing act to be had between making your work feel important and choosing work where the actual process of doing it is pleasant enough that you have the stamina to continue, and it’s okay to prioritize the latter. Maybe we aren’t all cut out to be cancer researchers. If knitting cute sweaters for dogs is what you’re capable of sustained interest in, it’s okay that that’s your contribution to the world. The world is a better place for both cancer treatments and dog sweaters, and you can’t be what you’re not.
Besides the work itself, I think the culture at my place of work is very important for determining my quality of life. If I’ve managed to find a job with a good work culture and a decent income, I will happily stay there rather than searching for greener grass and trying to increase my salary faster with frequent job changes.
In summary, a flourishing life to me is one where work is pleasant enough and aligned with my values so that it’s sustainable and allows me to pursue things like art and other hobbies and connections with people.
Paula Strachan:
I’m a pretty simple person. I must have books and music — mostly jazz — in my life. Spending at least a little time outdoors each day makes me happy. It pleases me to make my handmade greeting cards and have people enjoy them. I’m glad I could care for my parents when needed, help my first husband in his last difficult years, and try to help those in need as I can. Most of all, I like having a loving, compatible man to share my life, and am grateful to have the love and acceptance of his family.
Kevin Carson:
For me it’s several things. Getting productive work — mainly writing, and sharing my ideas — done on a regular basis. Interacting with people I care about and with my cats. Having some sense of economic security/independence. And regularly doing things I enjoy like having a cheat day for good food and streaming movies.
Daniel Blois:
My flourishing is a combination between Smith’s desire to be loved and to be lovely along with a thirst for knowledge. The first is the hardest because it is the one that I have the least control over.
Cathy Reisenwitz:
Therapy contributes to personal flourishing for me. Exercise, particularly cardio for 30 min/day. Not eating too much sugar or alcohol. Spending time with friends.
Abigail Devereaux:
My statement may not be satisfying, but I believe it deeply. There is no template to personal happiness, not even within a single individual.
Personal flourishing is an open-ended becoming, like jumping into the void for the fun of it. Just as we often enjoy horror stories more when we are happier, we make higher and longer leaps into becoming when we have the space in our lives to do so. One’s conception of personal flourishing goes through sudden and sharp alterations; one morning you will wake up wanting something else out of life than you spent the last ten years pursuing. Personal flourishing is ambiguous. It means, at times, pleasure, at others a deeper kind of happiness, at others merely peace, at others struggle and challenge, and often a chaotic mixture of all these goals. Personal flourishing is both deeply selfish and deeply social, and never a stable mix of the two. Going to the gym is personal flourishing; not going to the gym is personal flourishing. Having a partner is personal flourishing; being alone is personal flourishing. Being healthy and pain-free is personal flourishing; enduring illness and pain is personal flourishing. Life is infinite suffering; life is infinite joy.
Alison D. Garcia:
Flourishing for me means living by principles that transcend temporal feelings. It’s possible to be sad or frustrated or angry but still live in accordance to our own principles, and it feels so much better to weather the storm of grief knowing that there is a bigger goal I have to accomplish.
I definitely see flourishing as living a life close to my principles; which are truth seeking, maximizing opportunities and agency for others, and maintaining a thirst for learning. I never want to close my mind off to other opinions, even if they are wrongheaded. Simply so that I can understand why I came to my conclusions.
Utang Enyenihi:
I’ve thought about your question and I think two answers come to the forefront — being physically active and getting into nature. I’ve been on a physical wellness journey since about May of 2022, and when I started prioritizing my physical wellbeing… it helped my mental state SO much. I started small by taking walks outside, which also went hand in hand with my other answer — being outside! I just feel so serene when I’m in nature.
The other weekend I went camping and I just stared at a fire for a few hours. I felt so at peace. And I thought about how when I just sit inside my apartment, I get anxious about not being productive enough, but I can sit and stare at a fire and not feel like I’m wasting time. That epiphany allowed me to have more grace for myself when I want to sit around and do nothing.
Working out teaches me discipline. Showing up when I don’t want to (like this morning lol). And I’ve learned the value in consistent work to yield results. Not just results, but results that are a long-term gratification. Being in nature reminds me how small I am and that I am just an advanced animal. It helps me realize how many things don’t matter. It makes me feel grounded and in touch with myself. So of all the coping mechanisms in my toolbox, those two things are my fave.
Abdulwausay Ansari:
So it is tempting to answer the question with a list of things: familial intimacy, emotionally intense friendship, an addiction to knowledge gathering and understanding, writing, achievement and recognition.
But this list is as useless for determining what for me would lead to meaning in my life as listing religious dogma is for settling someone’s inner religious life.
I’ll explain instead the thread that binds together these different meaningful pursuits.
I have an acute sense of time: negatively, its fleetingness, the transience of all things; positively, the way the present depends on the past, and how my past — not to put too fine a point on it — makes sense of the projects and pursuits and relationships that end up mattering to me now. (What would be a boring time with a person I don’t understand anymore becomes loyalty to who has loved me for a long time; what would be a stand-alone inquiry becomes connected to the wisdom and reasonings of the past, becoming then real progress on a topic.)
I would like to live a life that I could be content with in retrospect, that both overcomes, in some sense, the transience of all things — by taking and honoring what has gone by — and finds itself in long term projects and pursuits the engagement of which leads to a set of skills and judgments that I can proudly identify with, in reflection.
In short: I want my life not to be a waste of time when I reflect on it, I want it to overcome the small deaths that are the deaths of each present moment.
How does that relate to the list? My engagement with the closest friendships, aspirations to philosophical achievements and goods, intimacy with my family, all seem to me to bear the marks of skills I’ve developed over time, skills that reflect how I have been using the finite time, and overcome and had victory over death: over the transience of everything.
I hope it is a life I can endorse in retrospect.
Muhannad:
I always dreamed of leaving Bahrain, and I finally did. It’s been an incredible year. There are some bittersweet aspects to it, such as my awareness that I only ever got to leave in my 30s — after back problems started to kick in, and an inability to fully enjoy myself for a couple of months (likely due to trauma). However, after a year and 5 months — the difficult part entirely passed. I’m finally pursuing the life I always wanted.
Carmellia J. Brown:
For myself, the answer is peace of mind. I can’t imagine not being able to make valuable decisions for my life……or those of my children when they were younger……without it. Now, that realization didn’t come easy due to personal tragedies along the way, but peace of mind is a solid foundation.
Micah Ingle:
I dunno if this is the kind of thing you’re looking for, but something that has helped me grow tremendously is group therapy, specifically process-oriented group work where people come to talk about here and now experience. I go to a conference where therapists do this work with each other and it’s pretty amazing for exploring personal patterns and receiving support and also just building community and intimacy between people.
I’m interested in group work like this in general, I did a bit of community stuff with a process group for men years ago. It’s helped me see different and really healing/positive things that have been hard to change otherwise.
Jesyka Hope:
I would say the biggest factors for me for flourishing are a healthy mental state and being at a comfortable level with finances. When I feel happy and content and no anxiety I can be very productive and it’s easier to work on myself. That’s often tied to money for me too, which makes a lot of difference. When I’m stressed about bills and rent that’s all I can focus on and my anxiety about that makes me stay stationary in that mental state and lack of productivity. I try to stay on top of things though so I CAN flourish and be my best self.
Erin Gadbois:
Well, I’ve been consciously working on my self-deprecation. I’m really good at it now. Lol jk. I started to realize when I do it and I stop the criticism and try to turn it around. “This is difficult but I can do it”.
So that’s a big one.
I’ve also been practicing piano. I try to play everyday but it’s usually about 5x/wk. I’m working on a particular piece of music that is quite challenging for me.
Oh and drinking more water. No joke. I’ve been slacking and I can tell.
Diana Louise:
I guess I would say, meaningful connections for sure, purpose and structure. I definitely go through waves feeling like I don’t serve a purpose on this planet or even with my relationships when I get into depressive episodes and those seem to be the worst parts about those episodes. Feeling like I have purpose and I serve a role. Not necessarily the same role all the time but like, I think for most people, that I matter in some way. And definitely routine/structure. I think I have enough anxiety I feel like I need to control a lot things in my life without controlling the people around me. Having structure and things as small as having a morning routine, and dinner routine, a bedtime routine, help me feel more accomplished and in control of my day and overall life.
Anonymous:
A big question! I mean, flourishing comprises so many dimensions. The ones on which I focus especially are, I suspect, friendship, knowledge, skillful performance, and sensory pleasure. I make it a point to take the initiative to connect with friends rather than waiting to hear from them, and I am willing to stretch myself if that’s needed in order for me to spend time with them. I read and write and talk and listen (to real people and voices online) in order to gain insights. I’ve been stretching myself by attempting a new set of professional challenges. And sensory pleasure — well, I’ve pursued it in the usual ways. I’m also trying to support my life-cum-bodily-well-being in fairly simple fashion, increasing the frequency of my visits to the gym (and making a schedule change at home to render this easier) and consuming more water and gingko-biloba.
Christopher Richard Hudson Jr.:
I think what contributes the most now to my own personal flourishing is having meaningful connections with people important to me. To know we mutually value each other.
Drake Spaeth:
For me it is anything that reminds me of my relational connectedness to and embeddedness in the natural world. Mystical existences and experiences of awe. Being outdoors in any nature setting. Conversations of substance with loved ones and friends. Any instance where I am surprised or astonished by something unexpected. These are the things that preserve, nurture, and expand my soul.
The Soul is fed by Beauty. The loss of soul is engendered by disconnection from or an inability to recognize and appreciate it.
Kelly Kidwell:
The things that most contribute to my flourishing are (1) loving relationships with others (partner, family, friends, pets); (2) goals to work toward whether big or small; (3) creative outlets that I enjoy, whether that’s music or art or crafting or sewing or writing; (4) strengthening my mind-body connection by taking care of myself and working on mindfulness and exercise and stuff like that — when I do take care of my body I feel like I flourish more in all the other areas of my life; (5) intellectual stimulation via deep conversations, reading, movies, work, etc.; (6) playfulness and laughter — not taking everything too seriously all the time; (7) trying to be a better person than I was yesterday, and (8) maintaining a curiosity about the world and openness to adventure and uncertainty.
Gerald O’Shea:
The primary virtue of a flourishing life is love, and a love that reveals the fullness of others through disciplined attention as loving regard. Plato called this Eros; Jesus and Paul called it Agapē.
Through what Simone Weil called “decreation “and Iris Murdoch described as “unselfing” we learn to set aside our own distorting interests and experience others in their fullness.
We learn how to direct an unselfed loving regard upon persons, objects and situations through patient attention sharpened by practices like prayer, meditation, study and close reading. This is what prepares us for any encounter with the good.
And this is how we encounter the good: Not as an empty concept but in concrete behaviors exhibited by real persons living and working under conditions of solidarity and mutualism.
Conclusion
I hope you enjoyed reading all of those wonderful writings on personal flourishing! Get in touch with what flourishing looks like for you, and pay attention to where you could do more of those things so that you are flourishing even more!
