The reason why I think you should set boundaries.
I have mentioned in my previous article boundaries briefly as being extremely important. In fact, I believe drawing red lines is a pioneer to leading a peaceful life. A lot of the time we might be tempted to cross those lines and take steps out of our boundaries. That’s when we’re being reckless. Boundaries define the space of what we’re allowed to do without causing damage, neither to us nor our entourage.
Now boundaries aren’t something easy to define. We have to answer the question: “When am I crossing the lines here? When will I be inconsiderate towards others? When will I be hurting myself either on the short or the long term?”
Boundaries should be set in each and every aspect of our lives. They allow us to have clear vision of our space of action. They make relationships way easier. You can visualize it as a contract. Why is a contract so important when taking a job? Because it sets to the clear the expectations and limits of what you will be doing.
A lot of people might visualize setting boundaries as a negative thing to do, as limiting oneself, or as never being able to be courageous enough or spontaneous enough to dive into the risk, into the unknown, the dangerous. To that I say: nonsense. My theory here doesn’t oppose the idea of being adventurous. I am actually a big advocate of risk taking. But my point is much broader.
Let’s take a relationship between two people as a starting point. When the couple agrees on boundaries such as “Here is what I can take, here is what I can’t. These are the principles I’d like us to commit to and here is what I expect from you.” It sets the couple for a long term commitment to each other and gives them a much bigger chance of not ending things for reasons like “She changed”, or “He’s not the man I thought he was”…etc. Setting boundaries is defining what a relationship is for us, so that we won’t end up regretting getting into something bigger than us…
To be more explicit BOUNDARIES=DEFINITION. How can you head to conquer your dreams unless you define them? Unless you limit your vision to just one sentence “I want to…” That is what limits are about. How can we live in a peaceful community unless we put limitations to how we act toward each other? Ever wondered why are we going in a vicious cycle of freedom Vs. Offense? Why is the list of offensive words getting bigger day after day with the appearance of minorities? Why can’t people have a public opinion without having an inevitable backlash? Why are we having trouble respecting each other in a time where offending the other is just “freedom of speech”?
The questions are endless. One answer: boundaries. It is only when we define the clear line between what is allowed and what is not (with ARGUMENTS) that we’ll be able to live peacefully together. If you look into the history of ancient civilizations such as Egyptians, Ottomans, Berbers, and Greeks, you’ll notice that they lived in a synchronized rhythm with no co-existence problems. The secret behind that are boundaries. You might not agree with the boundaries they had at the time and consider them regressive or oppressing. But the point isn’t to agree with their content, only to acknowledge that setting them resulted in peace. Just like setting appropriate boundaries to the time and current circumstances we live in might help us take 10 steps forward and save us years of wars.
Limits won’t stop you from taking risks and won’t stop you from being adventurous but will help you be more oriented. Setting boundaries will make you focused on what truly matters. You might come off as severe, maybe materialist, heartless… but those are people’s projections remember! Only when you’ll meet people as focused as you are, you’ll be sure that limits are the way to success and happiness.
Thank you for reading.