10 Ways To Be Mehdiocre
Read These. Then Do The Opposite.
Many of us are smart. We’re never quite TERRIBLE at anything. We can compete in sports, business, and school without issue. But, we never win. Risk is inherent in winning; it’s letting yourself take that last-minute buzzer beater even though you might miss it. It’s eating a punch so you can get into the perfect position to throw a left hook. It’s scary.
So many of us are terrified of jumping off cliffs. Maybe we’re not sure which cliffs have water underneath them, and which will lead to a huge SPLAT. Or maybe it’s just that it’s so easy to get second place that we don’t even try for first. Here’s my list of ways to continue to be B- at best. Please — I beg of you — do the exact opposite of everything that is written here.
1. Do What Everyone Else Is Doing
If there are three seconds left on the clock and the coach wants to know who wants to take the potentially game-winning shot, never raise your hand. Be like the other three players who don’t want to take the risk. Never take that shot — people will be mad if you miss and lose the game!
2. Fail Once, Follow The Crowd
If you take the shot and you miss, absolutely never, ever take it again. Accept the fact that you are not a person who shoots game winners. Move along, nothing to see here.
3. Accept Every NO
When you have a big idea, many people will tell you that it’s impossible or stupid. Or worse yet, they may just not understand what you’re saying. When this happens, it’s a NO. And when you receive a no, you should immediately run to a corner, get into the fetal position, and try to remember what life was like before rejection. Thumb in mouth is a plus.
4. Listen To Everyone
If you do manage to convince people that your big idea is a good one, everyone is going to offer you a million different ways to make your idea better. Listen to all of them. Follow through with every input. Having 10,000 different perspectives on HOW you should accomplish something difficult is always a fruitful process that ends with you getting exactly what you want. You get second place. It turns out that first place is always held for people with unique ideas who push hard against the fact that no one believes in them.
5. Ignore Your Gut
When your gut tells you something, it’s probably wrong. After all, it’s only your gut that thinks this, not the thousands of people you’ve been getting advice from. Remember — going with the crowd secures you second place. You’ll never fail. And you’ll never have to question your own intuition because you never gave into it to begin with.
6. Stop Exercising
You don’t want a six pack; you’ll stand out. Look around! Most people, even the skinny ones, are fat (say hello to the every-growing Skinny Fat Class). You just want to get by. The optimal version of your body will just remind you of your true potential, and that will make your B- attitude even harder to swallow. Don’t try to achieve it.
7. Stop Eating Well
Just like #6: do what everyone else is doing! Eat trash. Get by. Don’t focus on bettering your physical self because it’s risky. What if you focus on eating healthy and still get sick? Won’t that make you feel stupid?? You don’t want to feel stupid. Besides, if your diet of junk food and sugar starts to make you unhealthy, you can always go on a juice cleanse to feel better about yourself. But just the three-day one — the five-day cleanse requires too much commitment.
8. Be Busy
If you’re always busy, everyone will think that you have a productive life with lots going on. They’ll believe that you’re successful and well-adjusted. “Busy” is the word most commonly used to help us fit in with the crowd. It’s an A+ way to live a B- life. Because let’s be honest — taking breaks never did anyone any good. Stopping to smell the flowers won’t open your mind. And taking a nap outside won’t rejuvenate your body. Being busy is the only way to mehdiocrity.
9. Try To Control Everything
Losing control is scary. Why do that? Try to control everything! You’ll learn pretty quickly that most everything is impossible to control. To fight this, the mehdiocre player should remove all of these uncontrollable elements from their lives. Sports can lead to injuries? No thanks! Applying for a job above your experience level? NEVER!
10. Ignore Love
Love might be the riskiest thing of all. Giving into love can lead to heartbreak. Why do that? I say you should just continue #8 and be busy all the time. On your road to perennial mehdiocrity, you’ve got to ignore any and all risks that might lead to you failing. Love is personal. Love is THE biggest risk.
So PLEASE — Do The Opposite
I realize many people might scan this and be confused. Please do the exact opposite of everything written here. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Be bigger than any and every version of your self that other people believe can be a reality. Do this for a year. See how far you get. I wrote this as a reminder to my self. It’s always good to remember what you don’t want to be.
As always you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org