50 Matches (a foray into dating apps)
I’ve had tinder before but over the past couple of months, I’ve put in actual “work” into my swiping and between tinder and bumble I’ve garnered a little over 50 solid interactions with women. And for the average guy, I think that’s a pretty decent amount (humble brag or nah?). Here’s a little insight into my experience so far…
“We all just want to be swiped right”
At first it was just something to do with my down-time, I’d open the apps and just swipe left or right. Doing it pretty mindlessly, left, left, left, left “oh she’s cute” right. Match. I’m not going to lie, the feeling of knowing that someone else swiped right on you as well is pretty good — maybe by accident but hey, let’s not think like that! We all just want to be swiped right. And I’ll admit, just like in my actual life; I’m pretty particular with my swipe game.
I think I’m fairly decent at holding a conversation via messaging, but that becomes difficult when the other person on the other side is not giving anything back — I think we’ll call this “Phase 1”. In Phase 1 after the match, the first line is always the hardest — “Hey” gets you nowhere. This is where having interesting pictures or interesting facts in your profile helps. And then you can create a vibe right? I’m all about vibes. After that I’m looking at — Does this person present any substance? Are they going to answer with just statements or give something back? It’s genuine conversation I’m looking for at this point and some sort of mutual interest. I’ve written about how much I love a good conversation, and to get to this point is rarity.
Phase 2 is “getting those digits” and moving this conversation to a different platform. Although it’s basically the same thing as in-app texting, direct texting somehow seems a bit more “intimate and real” (this is how things just work now…at least in my head). Getting a number just means you’ve proven that you appear not to be creepy and safe enough. And these days, that’s everything.
“We were just two ships passing at sea and for that split second, we were each other’s mutual entertainment.”
From here, I guess there’s only one place to go next. Phase 3-IRL. I’ve only turned 4 of these interactions into actual “dates”. There could have been more opportunities but somewhere down the line things just fizzle and interest gets lost. I suppose as the “pursuer” this falls on me. I’m guilty of ghosting from time to time but I’m certain no feelings were hurt…I hope. When It happens to me, I brush it off and keep it moving. We were just two ships passing at sea and for that split second, we were each other’s mutual entertainment. The dates were all enjoyable, no one was completely dull or uninteresting; I’ve actually met some fascinating individuals. But things don’t blossom further because I know what spark I’m looking for, I know what that spark feels like. So here I go adding to my friends list.
“… knowing when to strike at the start is fairly important because in this fast paced society we live in, things quickly become flat if even just one person isn’t putting any effort”
I feel like knowing when to strike at the start is fairly important because in this fast paced society we live in, things quickly become flat if just one person isn’t putting any effort. The more people I meet and genuinely get to know, the more I realize how many of us are all just the same; looking for that same je ne sais quoi. Whether it’s meeting someone online, at the park, in a bar or whatever; dating is hard, but just remember, you won’t find what you’re looking for unless you take a shot and give someone a chance.