Ryder Spearmann
Jul 30, 2017 · 2 min read

I’ve found it to be a double whammy… absolutely foolish levels of expectation associated with people that themselves bring little to the table.

It’s astounding to me… I can’t tell you how many women I’ve met that can’t hold a job, can’t stay in shape, are broke, and have bad attitudes, and yet somehow have high expectations of their man… and probably kids in tow as well. Are you serious, ladies?

I was interested in Ansari’s Time article… about how his parents were married through an arranged marriage… and it has been totally successful.

I’ve long known about the success and happiness one finds in arranged marriages, and it’s clear to me exactly why they work.

No expectations. (Or very few)

It’s a commitment to make a life with someone. It’s your duty to learn about them and build a life together…

But in the west, we seem to think it’s our mates duty to make US happy.

I won’t settle, but my demands are very, very low. Don’t abuse me. If you want sex, stay sexually attractive. Don’t be an idiot.

Once these are met, I’m good to go.

But even these few items are apparently too difficult for most to manage.

But the lists these ladies make in their profiles are generally massive, exactly as you describe. I don’t date men, so I really don’t know for sure what their stated “demands” are, but I bet the list is pretty short.

What most people don’t know about marriage is that this whole notion of romance and love is actually a more recent development. Arranged marriages were more common the further back we look. Marriage had nothing to do with love.

(Marriage is actually nothing more than the mating pair of our species)

But somewhere about the age of the troubadours, romantic love became a popular part of our mate selection process… then “no-fault” divorce showed up and suddenly keeping one’s vows no longer matters.

We’re on the lookout for someone who “completes us”… makes us whole…. Makes us laugh… loves our faults… is responsible, has a good job, loves animals, likes to dance, great sense of humor, takes care of themselves, is goal oriented, has a certain income, etc. etc. etc.

No wonder it’s so easy to fall form grace if such requirements need to be met on a continual basis.

We think that other person is there to make us happy… and worse, we have children to make us happy… forget about what the children want. They are treated like luggage, being handed off every week because we hate the person we made the kids with…

It’s a sad state of affairs.

    Ryder Spearmann

    Written by