“Men seem so surprised to learn (often not for the first time!) that anything short of explicit consent means rape”
Of course they are. Men and anyone else that is rational are surprised to hear someone make such an obviously false claim.
Forget that the definition of rape is forced sex (there is this thing called a dictionary)
Forget that law across the world throughout the history of law… does not include your made up definition…
Common sense will do.
You see, affirmative consent for sex is a totally alien concept for the human species. And not only humans… this is alien to EVERY sexually reproductive species ever to exist… over millions of years.
Clearly, for all of these species, affirmative consent is not even possible, so according to your definition all sex is rape. And if all sex is rape…. then none of it is… it’s just sex.
You might consider an article called “The thoughtlessness of feminism”.