Overcome Setbacks

Numerous times in my life, and I am sure in yours too, I have experienced setbacks, or roadblocks or even dead-ends. More often than I can count my strategic planning fell to pieces because of some unexpected circumstance. Many times my best-laid plans became impossible to complete. My first attempt at college came to a halt due to lack of money and the Vietnam War. After my discharge from the Marine Corps finding a job was tough, some employers did not want to hire a Vietnam Veteran, or I lacked the necessary skills. Even becoming a Buddhist was met with strong objection by my superiors in the Marine Corps.

The difficulties did not stop even after my second and third attempts to go back to college where again money and life interfered. Sometimes finding jobs was challenging when my partner and I would move because of his job transfers. Sometimes the economic environment made finding jobs difficult. Even daily home life needed to meet unexpected events when income dried up. Making every effort to ensure the ability to survive setbacks does not always ensure things will go smoothly.

One of the things I have learned over the years in Buddhism is the road of life is not always easy. Our circumstances in life may not always be of our own doing and beyond our control. The reaction to those events is entirely controllable by us. Perhaps most important is that happiness lies in the continuing journey and not the waypoints along the path.

Psychologists and therapists frequently talk about resilience; that ability to pick one’s self up and re-enter the stream of life. There are some basic attributes of those who have resilience and three of them are; persistence, perspective, and support.

Persistence is somewhat seemingly obvious; you just keep trying. It isn’t quite that simple. In Chapter II of the Lotus Sutra, the Buddha says that many people try to stop suffering by suffering. We could liken this to not applying wisdom to understanding the true nature of our problem. Thinking of problems as doors through which we need to pass might help illustrate this. Sometimes we may eventually beat down the door, and that may be what needed doing. At other times, we might achieve better results by using a different approach by locating the key. There may even be times when the search for a different door is most appropriate. Persistence and wisdom are necessities.

Perspective frequently comes from time or distance. A significant event in your life is powerful and challenging. Time may not erase the memory, nor should it always. Your relationship with that event can change with the passage of time. When looked at from a distance of either time or emotion it is possible to see how your life has adapted and survived, and that event was not the end. It may not have been what you expected and most likely not what you wished. An ability to allow for perspective does not mean forget and move on. A distance of time or emotion allows for necessary space in your life to adjust to the new reality. Over time, you can see how you have survived and perhaps even thrived. Buddhism teaches us perspective by understanding that this life a trajectory towards and in enlightenment. This trajectory is not a smooth one when viewed close, but when seen at a distance that same trajectory smooths out. In Buddhism, we practice being in the here and now however, it is not only about the here and now.

Support comes from many places. It could come from our friends if we have the right kind of friends. It could come from many places but only if we have the wisdom to look in the best places. Buddhism offers us the support of teachers, Sangha, and our daily practice and study. In other spiritual communities or congregations, these same supports are present. They are present for each of us to take advantage of however failing use them does not indicate the inefficacy of the support. If a person who is drowning does not grab hold of the life-preserver, then it isn’t the fault of the person throwing or the life-preserver if they drown.

If you have abandoned your spiritual resources consider either reconnecting or discovering new sources. As a chaplain it is often noticeable the differences in patients who have spiritual resources and use them and those who do not. Remember it is the accumulation of effort over time with the support of others that will result in a lifetime of happiness and enlightenment.