So many lives I wish I could live…

I want to be a saint and a sinner.. I want to be a homemaker and a whore.. i want to be an atheist and a priest .. so many people i wish i could be…

And i want to travel across time-space continuum and go to the past, where everything was slow and easy with no shades of grey, black and white if you may, to the days of local trains and newspapers, telegrams and pigeonholes

But then I want to go way ahead in the future where I could record my thoughts and an automated program could do the thinking for me…

So many lives i want to live, so many places i wish i could go to. I want to be a hermit in a small village in Italy but also be a famous fashion writer in New York..

I want to be a victim of holocaust so I can loathe the mankind but then I want to be one of warriors of Sparta so I can understand the true meaning of bravery and victory, sacrifice and suffering..

Maybe Shakespeare was right, this world is a stage and we all mere actors.. or maybe characters in a painting ..

Maybe from the outside this painting is full of colors and distortions , its chaotic and meaningless..

Maybe our painter is some superficial intelligent shallow psycho who has a weird sense of satisfaction, he thinks he is artistic but in an ugly way..

If so I wish I could be a character in another painting maybe drawn by his comrade.

Maybe that painter knows the meaning of beauty and clarity, maybe he is not smoking weed, maybe he has clear outlines to all characters with perfect shades of colours. Maybe it lacks color but has clarity.. I wonder what would it be like to be in his paintings.. I wonder what I’d be doing there maybe milking cows, or riding horses, or peacefully sitting under a tree waiting for an apple to fall. I wish I knew I wish something made sense…