These Crazy Things Called Memories

Paper Towns~ John Green 2015

I remember the first time I saw a hundred dollar bill.

I was only 5 or 6 years old at the time. I remember I was with my older brother and my papa and we were waiting in line at the concessions at the movie theater. I remember he was wearing his fanny pack (which was always absolutely ridiculous) but when he pulled it out I was in absolute awe.

I find it crazy how it’s so easy for some of us to remember some events but not others. Why is it that I can remember the first time I saw piece of money but not what I wore to school two weeks ago? And why is it when we want to forget about something, like our first heartbreak, it’s almost impossible?

These crazy things called memories — Wait, no — this crazy thing called life. It starts to get really “weird”, for lack of a better word, when you start to actually think about what life is and how we exist. How the Earth that we live on is just a speck in the sky in comparison to the entire universe. It’s funny that no one truly knows but people are able to believe their own theories whether it’s scientifically supported or religiously believed, which itself breaks into plenty of other scenarios because everyone in this world chooses to believe in something different. How is it that no one knows?

How is it that no one knows what déjà vu is — memories that we’ve thought to have happened before but haven’t? How is it that no one knows how to explain a dream — why we can never seem to explain it after we’ve awoken, why we have recurring nightmares, and where the ideas and people in them originate? How is it that no knows what someone else is ever thinking and why thoughts are one of the only things we can actually keep to ourselves? How is it that no one knows?

Many of the people who are reading this are probably believers in God or a god and so am I but as the kind of person I am it’s very difficult for me to grasp certain ideas that I don’t fully understand. It scares me to a certain extent that there are things in this life that we’ll never have answers to but I have to remember to exercise my faith. But I can’t be the only one who wonders why. Why we have short-term and long-term memory, why it’s impossible to study dreams, why we don’t know what other life exists beyond Earth, why we don’t know what heaven is like and why we’ll never understand how death feels until it happens. How is that no one, not a single soul, knows?

But maybe it’s because we’re never supposed to. And that’s apart of the beauty of life. It’s unfair and it’s unpredictable but it’s beautiful. I think that’s partially why we’re able to continue to exist because there’s so much for us to discover, research and explore. So much to learn. It’s surreal to think about how much other life exists beyond the small city we live in and the problems, adventures and thoughts nearly 7 billion other people experience that we’ll never know about. But I firmly believe that’s why we’ve got to take risks, love endlessly, and live life as we please because will we never know what will happen tomorrow.

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