Bloody Red in Med School

Two years has passed since the first time I aspire to become a doctor. The challanges I went through was tough not just for me but as well as to my parents. First, we are not rich. My father is a driver and my mom is currently working in a school. I am actually blessed to be able to finish my college degree since I was a scholar. Being able to receive a latin honor was a bonus; up to this day, I still think if I deserve any of those.

Now, I was able to finish my 2 years stay in med school. I did not know it was going to be a mess. In these years, I was often haunted by my inner turmoils, doubts, and self-pity that were welling up on my chest. There were times, I would just cry while studying for an exam. I often talk to God and asked Him, “Lord is this really for me? I am frustrated that I am not smart enough and my grades are not that good enough for me to get a scholarship. My parents and brother have to sacrifice for me. So please, tell me now if this is really for me. So I can stop. Even it would be hard to let go of this dream, I am willing.”

Then he would just remind me of His promises. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not into your own understanding.” Reading His words might be the only thing that can console me in my despair, then I carry on. I pushed through, I trusted Him more than I trust myself. I just did my best and let Him do the rest.

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