Why looks shouldn’t matter
We have all been there. A time, a position, where we look at the mirror, or maybe just ask ourselves- “Why am I like this?” More like, “Why do I look like this?”
Women tend to go through this phase more often than men but men do too! It’s not something that one can say, “Heyy it’s not possible, I never felt anything like that!” This happens.
Ah, the beautiful woman. That beautiful skin with that beautiful hair and all that- we love to love her, we love to talk about her, wonder about her. She’s got it all, right? The great job, beautiful friends, a date every night, men falling over themselves to be noticed and doors being opened for her — both literally and figuratively.
Ah, the handsome man. That tall body with that glowing skin and that beard and jawline (WTF?!) and all that- we love to love him, we love to talk about him, wonder about him. He’s got it all, right? The great job, beautiful friends, a date every night, women are going all nuts for him and doors being opened for him — both literally and figuratively.
Let’s face it. Who am I kidding? When we meet someone new, the first impression is? Exactly- looks. But then slowly and steadily personality, brains, and character come to the play. But we HAVE to understand image is powerful, but also, the image is superficial.
This term of “assuming that people who are physically attractive also possess other socially desirable personality traits and options” is very common, in fact, it resides in all of us. That’s why we judge- from strangers to friends and colleagues and what not! And as this affects people, it also, therefore, affects work, school, interviews, social gatherings, love life etc.
Beauty does make a difference and no matter what we say, it will be, and it’s increasing every day. That’s why the business of makeups to clothing are flourishing and are in high demands now. But no matter how BEAUTIFUL or HANDSOME a person is, it won’t bring happiness, prosperity, trust, and peace to one’s life. We tend to forget that ON SO MANY LEVELS now that it’s really sad.
So what can we do about this? How can we tame this cognitive bias of ours and let it roll our way the way we tell it to. Is it even possible? Scientists found out that nearly all of us (mind you, “all” of us) has a bias of linking success and prosperity with people who are genetically blessed. So what can we do EVEN if we have this disease residing within us?
1. Looks can only take you so far
When it comes to romance, looks take a backseat as time goes by. Physical attraction is great but the appearance is pushed aside once it is time to discover who a person really is. First things first, you’ll want to be able to have good, deep conversations with this person and really enjoy their company. That’s the first sign that they’re a keeper. A pretty face with nothing behind it just won’t do.
2. Other traits are far more appealing
Think about the last time you were in love. What made you fall in love with that person? The answer to that question is probably something along the lines of their sense of humor, intelligence, thoughtfulness or kindness. The highlights of one’s personality are far more attractive than their looks. But then again, if you think you like someone just only based on their looks (which is why infatuation happens a lot), then you’re going the wrong direction, my friend.
3. We crave emotional fulfillment
Emotional fulfillment- such a beautiful term. Looks will not provide that all important fulfillment. In order for a relationship to work, emotional needs must be met. When looking for a partner you want to find a person that fulfills those needs and makes you happy. You don’t want someone who looks like Jensen Ackles lie down beside you all the time and doesn’t give a crap about your dreams and wishes.
4. Look for quality
Hiring someone? Looking for the “perfect candidate” to run your business that you dreamed of for years? Look for quality and attributes the candidate possess. There are countless studies that provides proofs that hiring processes are not accurate as there are always some biases sneaking in through the interview- but, if one can act according to some specific rules and regulations, or let’s just say “I will try my best not to hire that girl because she got Jennifer Aniston’s eyes”, then the bias won’t be a problem at all.
5. Looks Are Not Permanent
Despite what you may believe, your looks are not permanent. Your mind, heart and soul may be, but your looks are not! They change every day. We age as each second passes, and our looks alter slightly with each fleeting moment. Not only that, but we can and constantly do alter our appearance, whether through changing our hairstyle, clothing, physique or something else. So if you base your judgement on someone that’s only based on their looks- then you are in for a problem! *laughs loudly*
Work, friendship, relationship and in almost every parts of our life- we tend to fall in these biases that lead us to take decisions and judgements that we are not proud of. So let’s be careful from the next time?
There is a poem that has always hit home to me when it comes to this topic. It’s called “The Invitation.”
-Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to
dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own
sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have
become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy
fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us
to be careful, be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to
yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and
not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty,
every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, mine or yours,
and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep in the emptiest of moments.
Don’t focus on trying to make yourself physically attractive; instead, focus on building your personality. Do this, and the rest will follow! You do not have to have movie star good looks to find an attractive partner that cares for you. You do not have to have movie star good looks to promote your idea or business. That is why seemingly mismatched celebrity couples like Christina Hendricks and Geoffrey Arend as well as Sasha Baron Cohen and wife Isla Fisher work. What matters is a person’s core. In order for two people to connect, or in order to like someone for the way they are, they have to click on a mental and emotional level. Each of us are attracted to different things. Some might find my koala bear face as silly or even stupid or may cute *whoever finds it cute, HOLLA at me ;) * . That’s fine. What is attractive to you? Think about it. What intrigues you? How do you want to feel?