On Wounded Healers
Are all therapists wounded healers?
Have you ever wondered why so many people choose to dedicate their lives to helping others heal? When it comes to therapists, is there truth to the saying that they often have issues themselves? Here’s one therapist’s own perspective on this issue.
Often, what motivates people in the helping professions is their own personal experience dealing with adversity. Which makes sense. If this is something that they have personal experience with, it’s part of their story.
As a therapist, I would not exclude myself from this. I could easily say that I’ve always been interested in human behavior and the science of psychology, which would be true. However, I am also interested in mental health because I have had my own struggles and therapy has proved useful for me.
Many of my colleagues, if not most of them, have also had their own struggles in life. Mental health work is what resonated with them because of their own pain, perseverance, and eventually, their growth from it. Dysfunctional family dynamics, addiction, trauma, you name it; most therapists have experienced some form of it.
So, what does this mean for people going to therapy, themselves?
What this means for Consumers.
Be aware that many therapists are still going through their own healing journeys. This doesn’t mean that they can’t be good therapists. In fact, having their own adversity can set them up to be even more compassionate and understanding.
It can also distract them, or worse, cause their suffering to spill over into their sessions with clients. In the therapy world, this is sometimes called countertransference: a lofty term that basically means the therapists’ own issues getting triggered by their clients.
Countertransference is actually a very normal occurrence and should generally be expected to happen. The issue is how the therapist deals with it. In other words, if they are able to recognize it and take ownership of it, then they should be able to continue on in a way that doesn’t negatively impact anyone. The problem is when a therapist is so overcome by countertransference, that it ends up high jacking the session at the expense of the client.
I think the latter happens more often than many therapists care to admit, unfortunately. And with a group of people who have themselves suffered a lot, it’s not always clear if every therapist practices what they preach. Which brings me to my next point.
Of the healing professions, psychotherapists and psychiatrists are a pretty isolated lot. The bulk of their time is spent interacting with clients/ patients where the focus is exclusively on the patient (as it should be). This leaves little to no room to share concerns and commiserate with colleagues who share their work, leaving them vulnerable to burnout.
What can you do about it?
- Do your homework! Do they have the training? Meaning, they are not just licensed to practice in the state or country where you reside, but also have additional training in the area that you are seeking counseling in (e.g. eating disorders, trauma, etc.,). Many therapists are generalists and do not have advanced training in specific areas that often require additional training.
- Ask if they are in consultation or supervision. Therapists should be actively seeking consultation with other therapists to keep themselves in check, no matter how experienced they are. This is to avoid any blind spots, which, as humans, therapists are prone to have.
- How do they approach you? They should be approaching you from a place of curiosity rather than being an all-knowing authority on life. This is important because curiosity provides space for people to be who they are, while someone who “knows everything” has already decided what they think you are or should be.
- Lastly, listen to yourself. Aside from educating yourself about different kinds of therapy that may be useful for your particular issue, know what you consider to be unethical or unprofessional behavior. If it feels icky, or wrong, it usually is.
Summing it up…
I’ve said a lot here that may, understandably, put you off from going to see a therapist. Does this mean that you should run in the other direction of a mental health professional? No, I truly don’t think so.
There are some excellent mental health professionals out there who do a lot of good for people. But just like any other profession, there are good ones and not so good ones. So do your homework and check with how you’re feeling about the person you are entrusting with your mind.
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