Letter Of Hope
To my best friend and the demon in her bottle,
We met as young girls, filled with endless adrenaline and an ongoing passion for thrill. Whether we were skiing, snowboarding, partying or road tripping, our days never failed to turn into adventure. We were so wild. We always knew how to have a good time, dancing and singing to music that blared from your subs, competing in rail jams on varying mountains, sleeping in our cars, and doing back flips into the ocean from high atop jagged cliffs in Hawai’i. We became fast friends. We never filtered our language, never second-guessed our actions, we always gleefully danced along the edges of societal limitations. We would drink while driving to Seattle or Mt. Hood, singing along to that dumb rap song “Colt 40ty Fiva”, with forties in hands of course. You, with your cheap cigarettes and beer, and me, reveling in adrenaline highs and tipsiness from malt liquor. Remember that? I cherish these memories of our kindred free spirits running wild, though they are now tainted with loving concern.
Four years later, we were 18 years old and living in Oregon at a base of a glaciated volcano covered with snow, there so that we could snowboard throughout the summer months. We had left home and critical voices behind, free from parental nagging, free to continue to live in the fast lane. By that time, we had grown close enough to consider one another sisters, we were thick as thieves, it was you and I against the world. I still hold you just as close in my heart.
We were well-versed in the ways of partying, that is certain. However, I started to notice that you were drinking every morning, afternoon, and night. As our friendship grew stronger, so did your addiction. I regret not being more cognizant of this shift.
While my love for you will remain ever the same, my worries grow every day. You know how horrible drinking and driving is, I know you are smarter than to put yourself and others in such danger. However, I also know how blinding addiction can be. Just as you, drunk behind the wheel, swerving in and out of lanes, addiction drove you to spin, swerving, toxic, lies. As time has passed, it has appeared as though your addiction to alcohol has begun to take precedence of nearly everything in your life.
You have walked away unscathed from car accidents, and attempted rehab, but these occurrences seem to have no affect on the horrors of your addiction. It infiltrates every aspect of your life now, and I see jobs and relationships slipping through your fingers, unable to grasp anything with a vice grip on the bottle. I would like you to know that I have hope for you, and believe you are strong enough to conquer this damaging vice.
I know how difficult it is to detox from the negative and unhealthy ways that rule your foggy, hallucinating world. I, too, found myself slipping into addictive behavior that negatively affected my life. I, too, know how all-consuming addiction can be. It is not easy, to let go of the bottle and hold on to your friends, family and sanity. You must know that. It’s never too late to start over. I managed to escape this destructive lifestyle, so I have faith that you can, too. This escape is not easy, and it can even seem more frightening than continuing along the downhill slope of alcoholism, but it is beautiful and clarifying to see the people who truly care about you, and the life you deserve, waiting for you when you come out on the other side. When you realize that, starting over will be your first step. Strength comes when you embrace a new perspective. You will begin to feel fulfilled, invigorated, even, in the fight to regain control of your own life. There are two paths you can take, the easy path of turning to something that takes the edge off, or the harder path of picking yourself up and doing the grunt work to become the person you were intended to be, the fantastic person I know you are.
Addiction is a long and scary battle, but you are far from alone. Your family and friends care for you deeply with open hearts and genuine love, I want you to know you can overcome the demon that has taken ahold of you, and I will hold your hand the entire time. It’s never too late to start a life you want, or to become to person you want to be. It’s never too late to fight back. I send my hope, our memories and all of my love. You and so many other addicts struggle from something that is so difficult to cope with but just as many others have, I know you can come out of this victorious. I know you can choose your health and happiness over the bottle, I know you are one hell of a fighter. Your free spirit and love of adventure does not lie in the petty and toxic partying, but in your lust for life itself. You, still like a sister to me, are as honest and beautiful as those Hawaiian sunsets. You are a wild, wise, and powerful woman, and my best friend.