On becoming a better person
I recently took one of those online personality tests and turns out am a “mediator ” www.16personalities.com. One of the qualities of being a mediator is having spontaneous bursts of energy to do something from time to time. This is one of those moments. Lately, I have been having this pattern of thoughts, all these lessons I am learning at once and its sometimes overwhelming. When I have overwhelming thoughts I mostly write.
I do not realize at what point I started learning all these lessons but it’s finally dawning on me that these specific lessons keep me going on a daily basis, they make me want to become a better person and get me out of tricky situations.
NOTE: When I talk about being a better person, I am not talking about it conclusively, but rather being better than you were yesterday.
Accept that I am going to make mistakes
I have made lots of mistakes and I have spent lots time thinking about what I could have done better, what I didn’t do. However, the reality is, the mistakes have already happened and I am still going to make other mistakes in the future. ACCEPTING my mistakes, and FORGIVING myself is a skill I constantly have to learn over and over again. I have found that the best way to deal with this is to rise above my mistakes, and dedicate myself to seeing the bigger picture.
Also, if you have to apologize for mistakes done to others, do so respectfully.
Seeing myself through my own eyes
I have always been a worrier, and I can spend hours thinking about what another person thinks of me, which doesn’t end well. I watched a documentary on Oprah, and when she talked about how we constantly view ourselves through other people’s eyes, I felt she was talking to me.
So I have learnt to ask myself, what do you want? What do you want to learn? What do you want to achieve? By answering these questions, I have constantly found myself doing things my own way and I cannot even begin to explain the kind of peace that has brought to me. Learning to tell myself, I am enough and I will always will be.
Learning to turn off thoughts about what others think of me and instead focusing on being proud of myself is priceless.
Being relentless and passionate
Part of becoming a better person is not just working hard, but doing something because you love doing it, not because you have to do it. That way, being a better person than you were yesterday becomes easier. When you are passionate, you are relentless. You just have to learn how to look deeper. Then, as Nike’s logo goes, “just do it”. And when you do that do NOT stop.
Recently, I decided to take a leap on something I have always wanted to do, to code. I do write code, but after being honest with myself, I realized I have been holding myself back and I can be so much better than what I am currently doing. I have realized I have so much passion, and even when I am having rough days, just the thought of spending time on Udacity or Free Code Camp or IBM learning excites me. It can only get better after that, because I am finally learning things not just for the sake of it, but because I want to.
I cannot begin to stress what being relentless will do for you. In being relentless to learn, I am becoming more proud of myself each day.
Putting myself out there
This is one of the lessons that is hard, especially for someone who has dealt with social anxiety since forever. Making conversation with people stresses me out and the thought of spending time alone in my house, studying or quietly watching a movie is enough to cancel plans. Social anxiety has held me back so many times before and has sometimes made me not do my best. Recently, my project supervisor told me to tell him something about myself. I told him I am a go getter. He asked me for reasons on the same and I gave them to him. It however didn’t sit right with me because I kept asking myself “is that the best you can do?”
It then dawned on me that some things in life get past me because I fear criticism or the fear of not being enough. I am learning to reference Michelle Obama, “you have always been enough and you will always be”. However, I do not push myself too hard, one step at a time.
Putting myself out there is more like a promise to myself, and it is one of the things I have to do if I am going to be a better person.
Being a techie is not easy sometimes, people seem to be at 10 while you are at zero. I have come to learn that what I choose to do about this is what matters. I once made a mistake of learning stuff because other people were doing it, not because I wanted to do it.
I am however learnt to be patient because I will get there.
Like I said before, just do it and when you do, don’t stop. I have made it a habit to code every day, and I am always learning. I get some concepts faster, and some concepts take time, but I understand that quitting is the biggest mistake I will ever make.
Accept that you cannot know everything
“You are seeing everything you lack, not everything you have.” When someone mentions something that I do not know, I find myself freaking out, telling myself that maybe they think I am dumb.
It is okay to not know everything.
I have never been one to take kindly to failure, always doing everything in my power to make sure I don’t fail. Sure, I have failed and it puts me down and takes time before I get back up again. However, the world does not stop moving because I failed.
I have learnt to give myself a little time to deal, but go back to the field stronger and armed with lessons learnt.
These are lessons learnt depending on experiences but hopefully, you can pick a thing or two and become that better person you have always wanted to be