How I learnt to Love Myself
It wasn’t until recently that I have began to feel confident in who I am as a person. The last few months have been bitter sweet as I graduated from high school and got accepted into my dream program, things have been moving fast. In this all have also seen myself grow, and begin to become more confident in who I am.
Since I was 12 I have always been extremely self concious. I felt that because I was a bigger girl that I wasn’t deserving of things, that I was less then everyone else. I would go shopping with my family, see something I love and think to myself “I can’t buy that until I lose the weight”. Or “that wasn’t meant for a girl like me”. I believed that until the weight was gone I couldn’t start working on myself, now I realize how stupid that was.
I got tired of waiting for the fat to go away and realized that I am pretty dam amazing, no matter what size I am! I only have this one life, and me obsessing over the way that I look was just ruining it. I threw away all the clothes that I was waiting to fit into and bought things that I felt good in, and most importantly fit me properly. Just a few weeks ago I bought my first bikini and wore it out in public, it was then that I realized I was no longer a prisoner stuck in the crazy exceptions I had for myself.
Do I still want to lose weight? Ya, but until then I am not going to sit around and mope. The goals I set for my body are now centered around my physical ability rather then the number that shows up on the scale. I want to be able to run a few kilometers without getting tired, and do a pull up.
There are still days that I look in the mirror and feel that sting, but its happening a hell of a lot less. I am learning to love who I am and I couldn’t be more proud of myself.