
These two stances, introversion versus extroversion, sincerity vs. small talk, lead to different outcomes. The first stance leads to a few close friendships, the second leads to lots of acquaintances. There is no word for “networking” in Chinese. How could there be, after Confucius himself said, “Have no friends not equal to yourself”? On the flip side, small talk can open up friendships, but too often, these “friendships” get stuck in a sort of Demilitarized Zone of fake cheer and irony. Americans may be more outgoing on average, but that doesn’t make them less lonely.
This level of generosity is the norm, especially for a boss, a foreign guest, or a love interest. Not surprisingly, Western men in Shanghai have a reputation for stinginess, or xiao qi. Translated literally, this means “small air” or “low qi-energy,” implying deeper spiritual-medical causes.
Not every agent of the criminal justice system is evil or racist, and not every criticism of the criminal justice system is an expression of hatred for the police. We cannot get past the tensions and recriminations of this moment without getting past these reckless assumptions.