5 things working moms can do that will make everything better*.
*This post won’t make everything better at all, but it might help one person a tiny bit, so I wanted to share.
Here’s the thing. I want to write more. Specifically, I want to write more about things including:
- Being a working mom,
- Being a mom, or even
- Being a curious and driven marketer for a super cool company.
I want to share so many things about all of these things, but one thing leads to another, and I am either responding to emails at 9:30 pm on a Tuesday, having a dance party with my sons at 7:15 am on a Thursday, or finally talking to my husband about something other than diapers or travel schedules at 8pm on a Sunday and I say to myself, “I’ll write that post next week.” And then the whole thing happens again, and I don’t write that post.
But, on the eve of International Women’s Day, I wanted to take a second to pause and remember — I am really freaking lucky. My Grandmother’s voice comes to mind and I hear her say to me as she often used to, “You are doing it. You can do it. How do you do it?” and then it hits me. I get to do the very thing she wished for. I get to lead both at home and at work, and that is a gift.
I want more of us to have just that gift. There’s been many remarkable friends and colleagues in my orbit who have shared great insights that have helped me get to where I am today. So, in the chance it helps even one more woman continue on her path in simultaneously dominating the workforce and the home-front (or even simply surviving both simultaneously), here’s a few of the things that have helped me, in no particular order.
- Everyone is faking it until they, you know (don’t make me type it).
If you look at too many examples, or even one, of some perfect working mom “doing it right,” you’re going to get it wrong. Stop looking for models, and make yourself the heroine in your story. There’s no one way to lean-in, there’s no perfect schedule, no way to tell your boss you have to take your kid to the doctor because he has that super weird rash again. No book will tell you how. You know this — it’s hard. Believe in yourself that you will figure it out. You have to trust yourself at work, just as you do at home as a new mom, to learn your way, to discover your boundaries and to figure it all out. The more you trust yourself, the more your colleagues will too.
2. Count the hours they sleep.
When I first went back to work with my then itty bitty baby over three years ago, I could barely breathe on my way to meetings as I sobbed tears of FOMO and guilt. I was obsessed, and I mean obsessed, with every single second I was missing. Then, someone smart on TV (they exist) said the words, “they sleep a lot when you’re gone.” And, I realized babies do sleep a lot — my little 8 month old Leo naps about 5 hours a day while I’m at the office. Ever since I realized this, my entire outlook changed. I now focus on the fact that for the 7 hours he’s usually up a day on a weekday, I’m with him for at least 3, and often more when I can go in a bit late or run home early.
3. Focus on what you’re *better at* now that you’re a mom.
Moms and guilt, a match made in heaven. We’re extremely good at listing what we’re terrible at but not so awesome at high-fiving ourselves when we crush it. Change it up, ladies. Come up with three things you’re now better at since you went back to work as a Mom. Trust me, they exist. I bet you anything you’re better at prioritizing and getting the most important things done. As my boss once said, “no one’s more ruthlessly efficient than a working mom.” I also bet some of you are more vocal than ever, because you don’t have time to dance around the subject. And I also know you’re setting an example for younger women around you, who you look really amazing to. So, think of your particular list. And keep adding to it.
4. Find your secret weapon.
This is where it gets slightly embarrassing. Find that one thing that helps you feel together, more powerful than before, and shall we say, a little bit awesome? Ok fine, for me, it’s my hair looking good and having a cup of Philz in my hand. If my hair is done (please, I beg you, stop judging) I feel like I’m one step ahead and at least appear like I have my life together, even if my socks don’t match and I’m pretty sure I forgot to pack my son lunch that day, AND failed to immunize my baby in time for the second time (#facts). So, I take time to do my hair, or even sometimes have it done once a week and I even ask people to help me get a Philz if I don’t have time (and may have even Postmated it once or 78 times, yes you read that right). As silly as it sounds, these small indulgences can matter and can be your armor when you need it on those especially long days, like a Board Meeting after a night of teething.
5. Believe this: You deserve to be here.
You’ve done an incredible job getting to where you are in your career and you deserve your place in your company. Being a mom doesn’t change your skill-set or your contributions. Being out for two days when your baby has the flu doesn’t change this. Having to run to the mom’s room to pump and missing a meeting doesn’t make you less committed than your colleagues. You need to remember that. There will be days your memory doesn’t perform like it did before, but guess what — the working dad next to you was up all night three nights last week too, and was just as foggy. And your peer who did the 3 day girls weekend in Vegas is pretty out of it too. You’re no less deserving of your role now that you’re a mom, and you’re no less deserving of your next promotion — stop judging yourself and stay focused. Keep fighting for your career like you did before, and you’ll continue to succeed. And if you don’t have an environment that supports you, put it on your to-do list to start looking, even if it takes a year. Amazing companies are out there that would die for your talents and tenaciousness.
That’s all I have. I’d love to hear more of your secret tricks, working mamas. Keep up the amazing work with your big people at the office and most importantly, your little people at home. You’re super cool — says me, and my lil dudes.
XO.
