It’s such a challenge to grow up in this world, with a parent, especially a mother who is not supportive and does not seem to have your best interest at heart. And, worse seems to be actually damaging and destructive to it. It’s complicated not only because of the network of trauma that must be constantly remedied by the child (you), but also to face a world that consistently tells you to uphold this person.
Not, that what was provided was not received with due gratitude (life, food, a place to live the good moments etc). However, in the wake, of this type of childhoods, aftermath (adulthood), the self care that is required is momentous.
And, it is difficult to explain how you can love this person, who did not seem, to display healthy parenting (love and respect), and also need to take care of yourself, support yourself, and everyday strive to offer a new type of love and support to your own family, your friends and the world you come in contact with.
Thank you so much for, reflecting on your life. For digging in deep and articulating, what in childhood is difficult to voice. And, most of all, for sharing your excerpt!