Today’s Spoon

Protect Yourself

How do you know they are who they say they are? How can you be sure that they aren’t doing something you don’t want them to do? How can you ever trust anyone?

These are questions I’ve been left with in the aftermath of the destruction of my old self. There aren’t any visible scars left from the torment, they’re all inside me — fears, doubts, insecurities and questions, so many questions.

I fear the worst when I meet people, I expect them to do evil things because of the evil I witnessed. I used to doubt myself every day, thinking about what could have or should have been.

I question everything — even those that ought not to be questioned.

I question everyone’s character, I can’t be around anyone who even slightly reminds me of those who tried to destroy me. That includes anyone who acts two-faced, talks about me behind my back, doesn’t have anything positive to say or talks about others.

I’m moving toward peace every single day, I’ve lived amidst the chaos that comes with trying to be like everyone else and I can’t handle it. If that means I have to be alone for the rest of my life — so be it. In actuality it means that I’m being a lot more selective about who I let into my life.

I have to protect myself because I feel things so deeply, I don’t need friends who insult me, lovers who use me or irrelevant people who only seek to bring me down. I don’t need them in my life only for the sake of having people around me, I’d rather stick with a few good friends who value and appreciate me for me.

Be mindful of what these people are offering you in return for your attention:

Are you gaining anything whilst in their company?

Are they depleting you of your energy by burdening you with their problems?

Are they manipulating your good nature for their own gain?

Take time to evaluate your life regularly and see what your behaviours are attracting into your life. If you are insecure about yourself in any way and refuse to confront the issue you will attract others who are doing the same.

For your own sake — be selective with who you spend your energy on. It’s precious and it’s yours, no one else is entitled to it but you.

Peace & positive vibes.