Where I Explore Who I Am

There are a few things I know for certain:

• I’m 43.
• I’m female.
• I’m a single mom.
• I’m stubborn.
• I’m sensitive.
• I’m creative.

Pretty much everything else is mutable. This makes learning who I am much more difficult, I think, as my wants and needs can change on a whim. Maybe I’m fickle. But I don’t know that for certain, so I won’t put it on the list.

I’ve spent 28 of my 43 years in relationships. For the first 15 years, I was a kid. Yes, I had a crush on Timmy from up the street for the entirety of elementary school and junior high school, but that doesn’t count.

In 2009, a divorce I didn’t initiate but realized that I very much did want was finalized. I was free! Free to love. Free to be me. Free to raise my son the way I thought he should be raised.

It took me seven years after my divorce to finally decide to start dating again. No, I wasn’t pining for lost love; I was busy. Full-time college student, two/three part-time jobs, single mom.

It wasn’t until just this past August, 2015, that I moved down to one job. This inklings that dating might be possible started then, but it became a full-fledged desire only recently, and here’s why:

When you go to a hairdresser or dentist (yes, dentist) and wish they would massage your head or gums just a few minutes longer, you know you’re craving human contact. The only contact I had up to this point was the wonderful hugs and kisses from my son — but those, while perfect, don’t count. I was finally missing adult intimacy.

So what’s a girl to do about it?

Well, that’s also a part of this journey to learn myself, and that is what the entire point of this blog will be: Me exploring my sexuality and my experiences.

And I want readers to come along for the ride so that they may be able to give me advice or share their own experiences.

Have you had to take stock of yourself after decades of thinking you knew who you were? How did that turn out? Is there hope?