Making deliberate decisions in troubled times
If we ask ourselves how anything has come to be, it quickly becomes obvious that nothing really exists in isolation. Everything is connected, and our whole world is shaped by these connections. Families, social circles, communities, companies, governments, nature — these are all networks, and together they connect to form systems. We all rely on these connections for our personal and collective security and wellbeing.
In light of a global pandemic, right now we’re losing so many of the connections we usually count on. We can’t work alongside our co-workers, our usual ways of collaborating aren’t available, our businesses are in jeopardy, and so are our bank accounts. We don’t have access to many goods and services. Some of us are sick, or worried sick about our loved ones. We’re cooped up at home, some of us with roommates, our spouses, kids, or all alone. Whatever the situation, it’s hard not to feel cut off.
Our world is changing quickly, and we’re scrambling to orient ourselves in our new reality. We’re eager to find stability for ourselves and our families, and we’re looking for ways to contribute meaningfully to our communities. We know that we need to change our plans and make decisions about how to move into this strange new future. But amidst anxiety and disconnection, how can we be sure that we’re making good decisions?
Disconnection
When things become chaotic and our routines get disrupted, it’s uncomfortable. There’s a lot of pressure to keep moving and to take action. We tend to avoid sitting with discomfort. When we’re uncomfortable, we feel threatened. Our sympathetic nervous system becomes engaged, and we enter a state of hyperarousal. Our pupils dilate, our faces flush, and our bodies tense up in preparation to deal with the threat to our wellbeing. This is the “fight-flight-freeze” response, which is the body doing what it’s wired to do to protect itself. It’s a state of reactivity, wherein we react without having to think.
Yes, reactivity has its uses, but it’s dangerous to let it govern our minds as we make new roadmaps. When we’re reactive, the world seems to become very small and closed in. We get tunnel vision, things become black and white, all or nothing, this or that. We lose our ability to see flexibility in the world and in ourselves. We become rigid and can’t think creatively. It’s like being stuck in a small box that we can’t see beyond. We make hurried decisions in an attempt to quickly soothe and relieve us of our discomfort. If we pay attention, we can intuitively tell when this is happening — there’s a sense of desperation in the decisions that we make.
When we’re in fight-flight-freeze, the connection between the prefrontal cortex and the rest of the brain becomes limited. This is a big deal as the prefrontal cortex is the most evolved part of the brain, the area responsible for functions like planning, decision-making, problem-solving, self-control, and acting with long-term goals in mind. To keep this part of the brain online, we need to re-establish a sense of safety and connection with ourselves.
Reconnection
Feeling safe and connected is what allows us to make use of strengths like:
- problem-solving
- creativity
- open-mindedness
- compassion
- understanding
These skills are fundamental in making well-considered long-term decisions. How can we help to ensure we have access to the whole of our brain when we really need it?
Before we make decisions, plans, and roadmaps that have a far-reaching impact, it’s important that we take time to connect with the wisest, most grounded and secure part of ourselves. This part is always available to us if we know how to look. To see it we need to regulate our minds and bodies, slowing down so that we’re not carried away by anxious thoughts. This doesn’t have to be a lengthy process- it’s possible to get in touch with the calm and centered part of ourselves in only a few minutes. The more time we invest in practicing this, the more trust we’ll have in the process, which makes it easier and more effective.
Connecting with yourself
There are many paths to self-connection, and we all have a way that works best for us. We’ll discuss a few here, and link to resources elsewhere that you might find helpful. Try a few and see what works well for you.
Self-directed resourcing
Resources are visualized concepts that you find comforting. They’re highly personal. A resource can be a safe space, like a peaceful place in nature that you love such as a forest, a river valley, or a community garden. It could also be a person, real or imagined, someone wise, calm, and nurturing. It could be an animal that makes you feel safe or loved. An effective resource is something outside of yourself that feels consistent and steady.
Once you choose a resource, close your eyes and imagine it in detail. Take your time to be present in that place or with that being. If your resource is a tree, focus on the texture of the bark, the depth of the roots, the shape of the outstretched branches, the stickiness of the sap and the way it slowly cycles throughout the tree, carrying nutrients to the extremities.
When you’re engaged with a resource, it acts as an anchor. You might notice your mind and body slowing down. If you do, then shift your attention to your body, and feel the sensations in your feet, your limbs, and your core. Rest in this calm awareness of your body.
The idea is to go back and forth between feeling your body, and then grounding again in the comfort of a resource. It’s in the mind’s nature to roam about, and if your mind races, you don’t need to fight it. Instead, let it be and shift your focus to a resource. Stay with the resource until you find your mind has slowed down.
Structured reflection
There are so many structured reflections, but RAIN is a favorite.
R — Recognize what is happening
A — Allow life to be just as it is
I — Investigate the inner experience with kindness
N — Non-identification
Read about how to use RAIN, or check out a guided version by Tara Brach on YouTube.
Guided meditation
There are countless guided meditation resources available online and in apps. A few to get you started:
- Calm — app for sleep, relaxation, and meditation
- Insight Timer — free meditation and sleep app with a meditation community
- Tara Brach podcast — talks and guided meditations by internationally known meditation teacher
- Waking up — app for meditation by neuroscientist Sam Harris
Understanding the brain
For some of us, getting a better understanding of what’s happening on a neurological level is a helpful way to expand our awareness and connect with ourselves. A couple of resources to get you started:
- Dr Daniel Siegel presenting a hand model of the brain — YouTube video
- Fight-Flight-Freeze — article by Anxiety Canada
Moving forward together
Though we might be physically isolated right now, we aren’t really separate from the world. Staying connected to ourselves allows us to better connect with other people and our wider community. In this time of severed connections, let’s do what we can to come back online and re-establish nodes in the network. As we reimagine our lives over the coming weeks and months, let’s make our plans from a place of groundedness and strategize for a hopeful future.
