I don’t remember the last time I said that phrase: “I’m a Christian.”

A couple summers ago I was out on the west coast at a campfire with a bunch of friends and strangers-becoming-friends. I sat beside a girl with the most incredible ginger hair, who was super artistic and her favourite subject matter was nudes. Her brother, across from me, had equally firey frizz shooting out of his head, and after singing and playing us a song he wrote (which was great, actually) he started talking about this old guy he had heard of in China who could levitate things and touch people and they’d be healed of diseases and stuff. People started talking about whether or not it was legit, and he was adamant that there’s stuff that goes on in the world that we can’t explain.

I couldn’t have said it better. And I told him that. And I didn’t say “Yeah, well, God does the real miracles” or “Levitation? That guy is probably possessed” or “Is drawing nudes allowed in your purity plan?”…

They were cool people. I’m glad I met them. I haven’t seen either of them since.

If you’re reading this because you’re a Christian and you’re aiming to comment something about “not being ashamed of the gospel”, feel free. I’d love if you’d finish reading this first.

I don’t have a lot of life experience; I’m only twenty-four. Something I have learned though is that most people don’t know what I mean if I say I’m a Christian. And the guy they think of when I mention “God” is far away and is usually kind of a dick. We aren’t talking about the same Person.

I notice that the only people Jesus intentionally pissed off were the ones that lived their lives with the goal of being as cookie-cutter Jewish as possible. They had their eyes so fixated on not stepping over the line that might separate them from God that they didn’t see God when he strapped on sandals and walked down the sidewalk beside them.

God never initiated separation with us. Actually Adam and Eve started that trend. And we’ve spent our entire history following suit to the point where we think that God is super pretentious and doesn’t like humans all that much—but he’ll tolerate the ones that butter his ego.

Why in the world would a God like that quit heaven to wander a dusty, war-ravaged countryside where people would make him famous and then call him a heretic and eventually murder him?

I don’t think he would.

Maybe God wants to be closer to us than we thought. Maybe being a Christian isn’t really about going to church and reading a devotional and trying not to swear. I know it is in our culture. I guess that’s why I don’t often say I’m a Christian.

I actually love going to church… most days. I get really excited about the Bible some days and sometimes weeks go by before I pick it up again. Sometimes I swear. And other things.

But maybe life is less about those things and more about learning to really believe that God has a serious obsession with humans.

The other day my friend said that, throughout the time in her life when she was making a lot of choices that were hurting herself and the people around her, “I always knew God had a soft spot for me.”

He does, you know. He has a soft spot for you.

I guess I’m thinking of the exhausted cashier I just bought my fast food from who messed up my order. God has a soft spot for her. I wonder if she would feel it just a bit if I told her how incredible her hair looks? I’ll bet you anything it would do a hell of a lot more good than handing her a tract or trying to walk her down the Roman Road right then and there.

I guess I’m just thinking of all the kids in youth groups (and of the younger version of myself) that feel guilty all the time about not being a good enough Christian.

Forget about it.

Try this: Make a card for your dad on Father’s Day. Let your friend snot all over your shoulder when her boyfriend breaks up with her. Go back to the church where people have hurt you and ask where you can volunteer. Go apologize sincerely to someone you hurt. Cut down on the mini eggs and go to the gym. Ask a friend who likes being with Jesus to read a book of the Bible with you and help you process it. Make a point to smile at people who walk past you on the sidewalk. Lay under the stars at night and ask Holy Spirit what He thinks about art and music. Have a campfire with a bunch of friends and strangers-becoming-friends and talk about the crazy things in this world that you don’t understand and ask them to tell you about the things they most love to do.

One day I’d like people to know what I mean if I say I’m a Christian. Maybe they will understand better once they know and believe that I have a soft spot for them.

“I desire for you to become intimately acquainted with the love of Christ on the deepest possible level, far beyond the reach of a mere academic, intellectual grasp. Within the scope of this equation God finds the ultimate expression of Himself in you (so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God).” Ephesians 3:19