Why It’s Okay to Spoil Your Child
Do you have a spoiled kid?
You don’t really like the idea, do you?
Little brats who get whatever they want. Making a scene if they don’t get it at once.
Will your kids grow up not knowing they have to do something to get something? Will they grow up being all bossy and disrespectful?
You try not to spoil them. You know you shouldn’t do that. You want them growing up knowing that they need to work for the things they want.
But sometimes you just want to say yes to their wishes. So you bend the rules a bit. You try to find a moment when they act extraordinarily obedient. Or you give them a chore so they can earn it.
You persuade yourself that they deserve it. That they can’t get these things for themselves yet.
But then they start asking for more. And when you say no they throw a tantrum. But if you say yes you make them spoiled.
So what should you do then?!
How to Spoil Your Child the Right Way
I say spoil them as much as you want! but do it the right way.
You don’t want to be a no-parent. When you say yes and show joy in doing so you will teach your children it’s nice to say yes. That it’s pleasant to give things, to help out.
Because frankly it’s not entirely true that you have to do something to get something. Sometimes you just have to be.
I once observed a small boy with his mother on the train. The boy was being very polite and friendly. Suddenly a stranger walks up to him and hands him 10 dollars and says “for being such a good boy”.
But how do you go from having a nagging child to one that gets money from strangers on the train?
You Need to Stick to Your Decisions
The trick here is to stick to your decision when you say no. Despite their but why and please, and their arguments and tantrums, you need to stick to your decision.
How do you stick to your decision then? Easy — by making the correct decision to begin with.
Ask yourself: Will this help my child?
You don’t say yes because they really really want it. You say yes because they would benefit from it.
When your kid is asking if he can stay up late, will he benefit from it? Probably not. The answer should be no and you need to stick with it regardless of cries and upsets.
But if you made the wrong decision then?—well, that’s just your bad luck — you anyway need to stick with it.
Educate Your Children in Making Good Decisions
When you stick with you decisions no matter what, at one point your children will be able to accept a no without making noise.
When this happens it’s good to start involve them in the decision making. This will include an educational step. They will have to understand why bodies need to sleep, for example.
As your children will be more and more educated they will also become more responsible in their choices and you will not need to control them as much.
You will find yourself saying yes more often because they will no longer ask for things that won’t benefit them.
What Saying Yes the Right Way Looks Like in Reality
A mother I know, who has been using the right way to say yes, went with her daughter to a newly opened craft store. She let her daughter walk around the store by herself, choosing on her own.
The girl could have bought as many things as she wanted, but she was choosing them carefully, examining them, putting them back, then choosing something else. Then she arrived at the cashier with only three small things.
My point here: When you say yes the right way your children will grow up being independent. Your children will have good judgement.
So Go Ahead and Spoil Your Child
Regardless if your children are used to get all what they want, or if you are a no-parent who wants to be a yes-parent.
Or if you are simply struggling with how much you should allow them. — You can change the pattern and start saying yes the right way.
Imagine a day without nagging, a day without can I do this, can I get that. Imagine a day when you can say no without fear of tantrums or counter arguments.
Imagine the day when you can have your children decide for themselves and you know they’ll do it wisely.
But it starts with sticking to your decisions. Make your decision based on how it will help your children or not, and stick with them.
Then educate your children on making the right decision, and you will never have to say no again.