I have been looking for ways to calm my supernaturally charged brain from not concentrating on the most annoying thoughts and to focus on the important things, like my assignment which is due in about three hours, but here I am creating a blog instead of finishing my assignment.Speaks a lot about me. My ex-boss said the only problem that she sees in me, apart from the fact that I can never ever God-forbid be on time, is that I do not know how to prioritize. I am starting to believe her now. Not just about my assignment, now that stop and think, I persistently pester on the smallest problems, while the bigger picture has lost the attention. I am 26, on student loan, pursuing my second masters, abroad, in a country that does not believe in hiring people, but still boasts of 55000 new jobs every day. Clearly someone made me believe that this was a good idea. Really? Did I even back then believe that this was a good idea? NO! I knew I was escaping. From what you ask( to the whosoever mistakenly wandered in to my post, welcome BTW)? From my life, correction, my single-while-all-my-friends-enemies-strangers-losers-have-partners life. When I reached London is when I realized that the problem wasn’t bound by geographical constraints. The problem was glued to me like the ghost from Paranormal Activity which latches itself on to a person and just never lets go. My ghost is my status. Two years and about four months ago, my ex-boyfriend fell out of love with me and since then I have been cursed with being single. Since then its just been constant trial and errors, and you would expect that a person would give up after the number of errors/failures I have endured, but my will power amazes me with its self-belief and unnerving , annoying yet unnerving, hope that the next one will work. And while I go on to be a star pupil in my class, make a lot of friends, get drunk at parties, have a lot of laughs, I am all the while miserable. Because the only way I knew how to be happy ever was if someone loved me. Wow, even to me I sound depressing, wonder what you are thinking! So how do I stop? Stop myself from being miserable. I asked the ever enlightening search engine to give me the answers to my discerning questions — GOOGLE! While google frowned and cried not again, he ( yes i think google is a he, i mean why wouldn’t he/she/it be he?) directed me to a few sites. I clicked on the first site — ZEN HABITS- how to de-clutter your life! Amazing article.The fact is that the article didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know — Breathe- write down your thoughts- share your problems- make a to do list- exercise-get acquainted with nature. We all know these things. But it is only when we are so desperate for these solutions that we google them and seek for the most obvious solutions to our misery that we actually start implementing them. This is me- decluttering my thought. Telling you, yes you! That take time to just write a random blog, about nothing really, but write. I am not a great writer, not as interesting as many people I know, but If anyone of you reading this is going through the same mundane life as me, realize that no matter how bleak the chances of you being happy looks like, we all get through, we all survive. No one promises that life will be one with a happy ending but we will survive it, it won’t hurt as much the next time. The next time you will know when to pull yourself back. Next time you feel all alone and frustrated and cluttered in your head about everything unimportant — write a blog to remind yourself that you need to get to your assignment!
Originally published at sahanair.blogspot.in on December 10, 2014.