Snapchat! Poor kisko bola re?

Gareeb bola humko? Abey, hamara Ambani tere ko 7 bar khareed lega. Hamara ISRO na, 104 satellite launch karke world-record set kiya, world record! Saala, phateechar, chavanni ka daam bhi nahi milega tere app ko! MC/BC sorry no SC.

Spiegel ka bhooth chad gaya hai hum par

Abey Spiegel, only we can curse our country. Some gora can’t say anything about us, no matter how true it is. And we Indian Snapchat users are all middle-class ok! (Never mind that most self-confessed middle class junta are in the top 2% in terms of income i.e. earning > 10Lakhs per annum per home) Crorepati nahin hai, lekin desh-bhakti hai!

Gareeb hoga tera baap aur mera watchman. And meri kaam-wali bai, and driver, and auto-wala, and cook, and woh McDonald’s ke counter ke peeche wale log, and of course all the gaon-waale, and anyone who stood in line for demonetization or an Aadhaar card.

And those people are not on our internet. Woh log sirf free mein Jio SIM leke baithe hain. (Dekha mera Ambani kya kya chamatkaar kar sakta hai! Tune kya ukhada hai Spiegel ke bacche?)

How dare you call us poor? We have malls, and English. And UNESCO awards. And we will become superpower. Don’t you dare remind us of any of the following:

  1. 60 crore Indians(half our country) live on less than Rs. 4000 per month.
  2. 1 out of every 8 bachchas, are involved in child labour
  3. A third of the world’s malnourished children live in India
  4. 49 crore India’s don’t even take a shit in a toilet. They just do it in the open.
  5. Don’t even start with how we treat women. We’re world leaders in oppressing them; only 1 in 4 women have ever held (or even looked for a job), the same number own a mobile phone. As for the rest, when they’re not popping out babies, or sooting their lungs in front of the chula, we are busy hiding them, lest a “romeo ruins her life”.

And if you do the gustakhi of calling us poor, we’ll unleash the force of quasi-nationalist hashtags, uninstalls, and 1-star ratings.

Because our false-pride is more important than the truth.

BMKJ Pencho!

*mic drop*