Why “Be Yourself” is the Best and the Worst Advice Ever
I’m not sure if Oscar Wilde really said this, but according to the internet he did:
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Deep, don’t you agree? A perfect little maxim which hits us all in our guts. Because it succinctly exposes a sharp crack in the way society values you standing out, while expecting you to be a conformist. A crack which at times emanates so deep within us, that it starts to impinge on our freedom to be someone we are. And when a quote alludes to the taking away of a right to freedom of something as personal as “being” itself, it makes our hearts ache with and sigh in yearning. These impeachments are not rare, rather quite commonplace. Your parents want you to become a freelance writer, and not a high-in-demand computer science engineer. Your friend thinks your habit of being overly apologetic is very irritating. Your colleagues think that you are too full of yourself, since you don’t talk much at the office. And the world disapproves of whom you are falling in love with.
It hurts to be repetitively told whom you can and cannot be. You are so tired of not being up to people’s expectations. And then you come across this quote by Oscar Wilde, which sparks a fire within you. It spurs a rebellion of sorts, wherein you start fighting back being contained by the wax mould which others have been preparing for you: ‘be like him, be thin, be smart, be rich, be honest, don’t do this, do that.’ You light a match, and set fire to the wax. You watch it liquify, vaporise, and burn. With a laughter of victory: ‘I’m not gonna change my habits for you, I won’t give up on loving her for them, I shall follow my dreams of being a comic artist.’ And so, a new wax mould takes shape. This time, you are the one who is creating it.
Except, you’ve reached a roadblock now. Where do you put some more wax, here, or there? You ask your friend for help: ‘should I go for the one which pays more?’ And so you rebuild the cast.
It gets claustrophobic again. Very quickly too. The mould starts to itch at the small of your back. It feels like a budding mould, growing invisibly, soundlessly. It hurts again, to be repetitively told whom you can and cannot be. You are so tired…
“Be Yourself” are the two dumbest words, ever. It’s like saying “water is H2O”, right? Okay, maybe you don’t mean it so tautologically. Perhaps you mean, “find yourself”. Where is this box of self-figurines which I shall find my self in? When would I know it is mine, will it call my name out loud when I touch it?
I have these questions, but don’t treat me as a kid. Hear me out.
You tell me that I will simply know when it’s mine. When I hold that figurine, and wear its skin, I shall feel my most comfortable under it. Most uninhibitedly unencumbered. Most free, to be me. You tell me that it won’t be easy to get to that freedom, but that I will get there, through a rebellion. A path of difficulties, drudgeries. Then answer me this, what kind of freedom do you talk of, if I must shackle myself in certain drudgery to reach it?
I will never reach my self, because never shall I be free. Human existence begs for nothing but getting-used-to. To misery, to happiness, to war, to poverty, to love. So stop looking for freedom in the confines of that box of self-figurines. Let go of that box on the floor, let it crash with the harshest possible noise, and set fire to it. Set fire to every mould that tries to touch and encapsulate you.
I will never reach my self, because there is nowhere to reach. You may never truly be free, but don’t let that stop you from elevating your idea of freedom. Being yourself can now truly stand, for what it literally means.
Be. Just, be.
And in your pursuit of existence, whichever path you pick, of drudgery, pleasure, violence or love. Realise that you were free to pick any of those infinite paths, but you picked some. You picked one. Appreciate that you can be everything at once, but time binds you to be one thing, at a time. That your existence is nothing but an inseparable relationship with time itself, which stops you from being everything all at once. Come, let us rage this rebellion against time.
I know you have doubts, worries and queries. Those which cannot be answered. But they demand examination, nevertheless.
You have these questions, but please treat yourself as a kid. Hear him or her out. And perhaps don’t just hear this time, listen.
