‿︵‿︵‿︵‿ヽ(°□° )ノ︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

In this kaomoji the Japanese make drowning look cute (kao means face).

Jikoshoukai 自己紹介(じこしょうかい) is nihongo for “self-introduction.” It’s not terrifying to get through. I’ve made many. There are set parameters. You can rehearse it.

Conversely, the thought of free talk was nerve wracking. Until today.

I put off group conversation for a long time. In New York, I always intended to go to either my neighborhood library or one the Japan Society’s monthly mixers for conversation practice. I always put the events on my calendar, but I never attended. I became an expert in making excuses for them.

In high school foreign language classes, I was the type to excel in dialogues or readings. I’ve always shied away from anything involving impromptu speaking. Even the idea makes my chest feel tense and from the shoulders-up, I’m all sweaty!

Today I attended a Japanese conversation session in a party of 8. About 4 were intermediate-level, 2 advanced and 2 beginner (myself and a guy whose mother is Japanese). Yoshi, a former sushi chef, was the only native speaker. He opened the floor with a question about 2018 and how the year went for us.

When the number of attendees is larger, the group uses a long table. Tonight, it was banquet-style seating. I was hoping they would skip me once the topic made its way around the roundtable. But they didn’t!

I started off by saying it was a good year for family time. (I’ve since cross-checked that sentence and according to Google Translate, it was grossly inaccurate.) Immediately, in my second sentence, I began to run out of words. I asked Yoshi how to say “leave a place.” He suggested using the verb dekakeru 出掛ける, and I proceeded with my attempt…

After each complete phrase or short sentence I was able to produce, my fellow group members helped to expand my answers. They asked open-ended questions, like when did you leave, where were you born, what do you think of Las Vegas, adjusting their vocabulary to match my level.

Although I couldn’t make eye contact with everyone simultaneously, I sensed that they were all intently focused on making meaning of what I was saying. Out the corner of my eye I could see that they were straining to listen, tilting their ears/heads toward me, leaning their bodies forward and closer to the center of the table. When they weren’t engaging me in questions, they were silent. It was the sort of attention one could imagine being directed toward a philharmonic orchestra. Or newborn baby panda — or maybe a newborn baby panda somersaulting inside a Steinway grand piano.

I never felt so supported! What intensity and concentration!

In those few minutes I quickly saw the beauty of peer-to-peer instruction. Whereas in a fitness class, you may get coaching from the designated trainer or instructor. This evening I received feedback from 4 or 5 of the upper-intermediate to advanced students. It was amplified and exhilarating; I never felt so good about doing so poorly!

Grammar or vocabulary-wise, I may have been drowning. But at the same time, it was like being tossed a life preserver. A whole crew came to my rescue.